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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 202730 times)

Eric Myrvaagnes

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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #921 on: October 13, 2019, 08:18:24 am »

George W. Bush was getting his daily briefing on the progress of the Iraqi war. He asked about casualties. "Two Brazilian soldiers were killed" was the response. The advisor was startled to see Bush's eyes tear up and his lower lip start to tremble.

"What's the matter, sir? I have never seen you this upset."

Bush replied "How ... how ... how many is a brazilian?"
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Peter
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drmike

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #922 on: October 18, 2019, 08:20:04 am »

I hope this hasn't appeared already nor causes any offence. I hold no views on US politics at all although obviously I am aware of them.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest.

A SIMPLE TEST

THE SITUATION:

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos with only an old film camera. All your other cameras fell into the torrential flood waters.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.

THE TEST:

Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's Donald Trump! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:

You can save the life of Donald Trump or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the most powerful Republicans in America.

THE QUESTION:





Here's the question, and please give an honest answer. "Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?"
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Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #923 on: October 18, 2019, 12:37:55 pm »

Easy: It's gotta be color film to capture the Orange!
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #924 on: October 18, 2019, 01:50:40 pm »

I hope this hasn't appeared already nor causes any offence. I hold no views on US politics at all although obviously I am aware of them.

I don't think it's been posted here, but it's as old as the hills and has been told, with variations, about pretty much anyone famous - politician or otherwise - for decades. It's as funny now as it was when it started.

Jeremy
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RSL

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #925 on: October 18, 2019, 02:05:39 pm »

It's not any more offensive than any other political joke, but there probably are at least a hundred variations on this joke with both Republicans and Democrats in the punchline.

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #926 on: October 18, 2019, 04:47:23 pm »

It's not any more offensive than any other political joke, but there probably are at least a hundred variations on this joke with both Republicans and Democrats in the punchline.
Very true.
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petermfiore

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #927 on: October 19, 2019, 07:38:28 am »

Of course B&W...that way it will be street!

Peter

RSL

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #928 on: October 19, 2019, 08:10:28 am »

But it's gotta have a street in it, Peter, B&W or color.

petermfiore

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #929 on: October 19, 2019, 08:15:32 am »

But it's gotta have a street in it, Peter, B&W or color.

How true...I totally forgot!

Peter
« Last Edit: October 19, 2019, 08:26:11 am by petermfiore »
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #930 on: October 20, 2019, 01:53:05 pm »

DIARIES

Hers
On Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasnít flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, but he simply smiled and kept driving. I canít explain his behaviour; I donít know why he didnít say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I donít know what to do. Iím almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


His
United* lost. Got laid.


[* a football team]
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Peter McLennan

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #931 on: October 20, 2019, 03:10:30 pm »

Made my morning, Jeremy. :)
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RSL

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #932 on: October 20, 2019, 03:24:03 pm »

 ;D ;D

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #933 on: October 30, 2019, 10:35:25 am »

This may be a repeat, but it's a good one.

One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees something unusual in the surf. Suddenly, emerging from the water is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long itís been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Scotsman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, ďOch - in the name of the wee man is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good scotch?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"
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Peter
"Science does not care what you believe" - unknown

RSL

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #934 on: October 30, 2019, 10:39:23 am »

Good one, Peter.  8)

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #935 on: October 30, 2019, 10:58:05 am »

Wildlife Photographers



http://www.postfun.com/incredible/these-animals-really-didnt-want-their-pictures-taken/21/

Obviously fake - although cute. What photog would set up a camera with a prickly plant 2" behind the viewfinder?
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Peter
"Science does not care what you believe" - unknown

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #936 on: October 30, 2019, 12:06:40 pm »

Obviously fake - although cute. What photog would set up a camera with a prickly plant 2" behind the viewfinder?

A Sony photographer.

;-)

LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #937 on: October 30, 2019, 01:36:01 pm »

Obviously fake - although cute. What photog would set up a camera with a prickly plant 2" behind the viewfinder?

The moss on the branch doesn't look prickly, if anything soft and feathery.
However, the essential trick was sticking a blob of peanut butter on the viewfinder.

LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #938 on: October 31, 2019, 12:20:49 am »

Very few people know this but the little pocket on your jeans is for your paycheck after taxes.

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #939 on: November 01, 2019, 06:39:44 am »

Very few people know this but the little pocket on your jeans is for your paycheck after taxes.



I was right all along! It is too large for my pension!

;-)
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