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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 274442 times)

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1420 on: June 08, 2021, 04:53:59 pm »

Amos was a good golfer and really enjoyed it, but at 75 his eyes were failing and he couldn't see where the ball went. He sadly decided to give it up.

His wife suggested that he take her brother Charlie with him. "Charlie has really good eyes and he can watch the ball for you," she said.

"But Charlie is 10 years older than me!" said Amos.

"True, but his eyes are still good," replied his wife.

The next day Amos took Charlie with him to the golf course. On the first tee he wacked what he thought was a good shot. "Charlie, did you see where that went?"

"Oh yes," replied Charlie, "I saw exactly where it went."

"So where did it go?"

"I forget."

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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1421 on: June 08, 2021, 07:21:28 pm »

Ouch!
Sometimes I think I'm Amos and Charlie all rolled into one.   :(
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1422 on: June 09, 2021, 08:52:56 pm »

Stratus Cloud

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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1423 on: July 25, 2021, 10:36:56 am »

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer breasts, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1424 on: August 16, 2021, 09:57:38 am »

A woman asks her husband "How come you're not playing golf anymore?"

"I have no one to play with."

"What about Gary, you used to play together all the time?"

"I don't play with Gary any more. Would you want to play with someone who moves the ball when you're not looking and cheats on the score?"

"No, I guess not."

"Well, neither does Gary."
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1425 on: August 24, 2021, 03:44:21 pm »

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1426 on: November 10, 2021, 08:32:15 am »

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck... it's an orange:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CWD1a1boN1e/



rabanito

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1427 on: November 10, 2021, 09:29:31 am »

 :) !
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1428 on: November 10, 2021, 10:50:44 am »

To continue with photography-inspired humor… I think we can all relate to this one:

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1429 on: November 10, 2021, 01:20:34 pm »

Thanks for both of those gems, Slobodan!
You made my day.
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rabanito

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1430 on: November 10, 2021, 04:47:36 pm »

Inspired by "Life of Brian"
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1431 on: November 10, 2021, 06:06:26 pm »

A long time ago in the Middle East, a man worked as a border guard. His main job was to prevent travelers from smuggling valuables into the country.

One day a man leading two camels laden with hay came up to the border crossing. The guard's intuition told him something was being smuggled. But after finding nothing he let the traveler pass.

The next week the same man, again leading two camels laden with hay, wanted to cross. And again, a search turned up nothing.

Week after week this went on, and the guard's searches became more and more thorough. He tore apart the hay bales, looked in the man's turban and the hem of his robe, and even in the camels' mouth. This went on for years.

Eventually the guard retired. When he saw the traveler in the market he went up to him.

"Do you remember me?" he asked.

"Yes," replied the traveler, "you are the guard who searched me many times."

"I am very curious. Were you smuggling? I am retired and can do you no harm."
 
"Yes," replied the traveler, "I was smuggling."

"What on earth were you smuggling that I could not find?" asked the retired guard.

"I was smuggling camels."



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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1432 on: November 10, 2021, 07:45:09 pm »

Thank you Rab and Peter.
I'm delighted to see this thread waking up.
The news here is much better than in any "normal" news sources.
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1433 on: December 23, 2021, 08:09:11 am »

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
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rabanito

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1434 on: December 23, 2021, 10:49:45 am »

....
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1435 on: December 23, 2021, 02:51:07 pm »

"Looks like we might have to reboot earth" from god's tech support https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwaQRTo1Efo.
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degrub

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1436 on: December 23, 2021, 08:27:34 pm »

LOL 😂
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1437 on: January 14, 2022, 03:02:22 pm »

Perhaps, since I'm not Australian, I am totally missing something here, but I cant help but laugh and experience some serious second-hand embarrassment for this official government news broadcast. 

Mark McGowan - aboriginal woman translates English into English

It's time like these that I wish Leslie Nelson was still alive.  I would love to see him do a parody of this. 
« Last Edit: January 14, 2022, 03:09:01 pm by JoeKitchen »
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1438 on: January 14, 2022, 03:43:20 pm »

Perhaps, since I'm not Australian, I am totally missing something here, but I cant help but laugh and experience some serious second-hand embarrassment for this official government news broadcast. 

Mark McGowan - aboriginal woman translates English into English

It's time like these that I wish Leslie Nelson was still alive.  I would love to see him do a parody of this.

Most probably, they paid the lady for her translation services.
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1439 on: January 14, 2022, 03:49:32 pm »

Most probably, they paid the lady for her translation services.

Out of the two them, she is not the one I find entertaining. 
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"Photography is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent
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