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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 297023 times)

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1460 on: July 23, 2022, 08:31:40 pm »

Four engineers got into a car. It wouldn't start.

The mechanical engineer said "Replace the starter--that'll fix it."

The electrical engineer said "Charge the battery--that'll fix it."

The chemical engineer said "Put in fresh gasoline--that'll fix it."

The IT engineer said "Let's get out and get back in--that'll fix it."
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Alan Klein

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1461 on: July 23, 2022, 08:39:27 pm »

Four engineers got into a car. It wouldn't start.

The mechanical engineer said "Replace the starter--that'll fix it."

The electrical engineer said "Charge the battery--that'll fix it."

The chemical engineer said "Put in fresh gasoline--that'll fix it."

The IT engineer said "Let's get out and get back in--that'll fix it."

That's funny Peter and not far from the truth.  I have a Ford Lincoln.  It's display screen on the dashboard went black.  So we called the Ford concierge desk.  They advised to open the driver's door, hit a couple of buttons, then close the door again.  It fixed the problem apparently re-booting it. 

Peter McLennan

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1462 on: July 23, 2022, 11:20:38 pm »

A man buys an old urn at a garage sale.  When he gets it home, a genie appears.

"You have three wishes", says the genie.

"OK", says the man, "For my first wish I want Mitch McConnell turned into a real turtle, and I want him placed on the bottom of an empty swimming pool in suburban Phoenix in August."

"Hmm", says the genie as he contemplates the wish for a few moments.  Eventually he says "OK, that one's on me.  You still have three wishes."
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1463 on: July 26, 2022, 05:13:56 pm »

That's funny Peter and not far from the truth.  I have a Ford Lincoln.  It's display screen on the dashboard went black.  So we called the Ford concierge desk.  They advised to open the driver's door, hit a couple of buttons, then close the door again.  It fixed the problem apparently re-booting it.

The same sort of thing has been reported for the Volkwagen ID4, the electric car that we bought recently.
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1464 on: August 21, 2022, 09:23:26 am »

By mistake, a young man and a young woman, strangers, were assigned to the same sleeping compartment on an overnight train. The train was full and they could not be moved, so they decided to make the best of it. The man put on his PJs and slipped into the upper berth and the woman put on a nightie and got in the lower.

A few minutes later, the fellow said "Excuse me miss, but I am cold. Can you please reach in the closet and pass me a blanket?"

The woman replied "I have a better idea--for just one night, let's pretends we are married."

As the woman was quite attractive, the fellow thought this was a great idea and told her so.

"OK," she replied, "Get your own fucking blanket."

And then he farted.
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1465 on: August 29, 2022, 01:13:49 am »

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The Canadian said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1466 on: September 08, 2022, 08:03:53 am »

A man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost? The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped! The priest said, Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box!

The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!

The man replied, Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1467 on: September 13, 2022, 10:20:50 am »

Two priests were driving together when a cop pulled them over.

"Excuse me, fathers, but we're searching for a couple of child molesters."

The priests look at each other, shrug, and reply "OK, we'll do it."
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1468 on: September 20, 2022, 10:50:08 pm »

A horse walk's into a pub and asks for a pint of beer, the landlord says “that will be £15 please". The horse pays and then trots over to a table and sits down. The landlord walks over and says “well this is a strange occurance, we haven't had any horses in here before”. The horse replies “at £15 a pint I'm not surprised".
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1469 on: October 13, 2022, 11:41:24 am »

A good laugh, photo-related.
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1470 on: October 13, 2022, 01:59:51 pm »

A good laugh, photo-related.

Indeed.

But reality is sometimes stranger than fiction. Here is my unedited photo that also contains a dog, a girl, and a pedestrian crossing  ;)

rabanito

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1471 on: November 01, 2022, 04:49:27 am »

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Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1472 on: November 01, 2022, 05:17:50 pm »

Thank you Peter and Slobodan!
You have made my day!

-Eric
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-Eric Myrvaagnes (visit my website: http://myrvaagnes.com)

Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1473 on: November 18, 2022, 08:31:06 am »

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Robert

Chris Kern

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1474 on: November 18, 2022, 07:11:08 pm »

Funny timely story from The Beaverton today. . . .

Elon Musk is one of the weirdest of the Internet billionaires (arguably the weirdest), but he deserves credit for retaining his sense of humor.  From a Nov. 17 tweet:

Quote
How do you make a small fortune in social media?
Start out with a large one.

The epithet by another billionaire, Mark Cuban, (also posted on Twitter), strikes me as rather accurate:

Quote
He is a ready, fire, aim entrepreneur who will truly enjoy fucking with everyone who has an expectation of him.

In olden days, when the ARPANET spawned the NSFNET, and the two ultimately morphed into the worldwide public Internet,* I don't think any of us anticipated where all this would lead.
_____
* That's "the Internet" with a capital "I"—a proper noun which is a shorthand for the technical term "internetwork," a network of interconnected networks that use a common communication protocol.  It still looks strange to me when I read references to "the internet" (lowercase "i") in otherwise competently-curated news media (e.g., the New York Times, which certainly should know better).
« Last Edit: November 18, 2022, 08:58:04 pm by Chris Kern »
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faberryman

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1475 on: November 20, 2022, 01:12:09 pm »

Five or six years ago both the Chicago Manual of Style and the AP Stylebook adopted internet (lowercase) as correct usage, which is why you see internet (lowercase) used in academic publications and the press. Of course, not everyone is on board with the decision. Some people don't use the Oxford comma.
« Last Edit: November 20, 2022, 01:42:00 pm by faberryman »
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Jonathan Cross

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1476 on: November 20, 2022, 03:02:21 pm »

No Oxford comma for me, as in Lyne Truss' book 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves'

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Jonathan in UK

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1477 on: November 21, 2022, 09:45:44 am »

No Oxford comma for me, as in Lyne Truss' book 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves'

Cambridge man, eh?  ;)
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Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1478 on: November 21, 2022, 10:48:09 am »

I get a big kick out of discussions about English usage. People have so many doctrinaire positions over what are almost always arbitrary style guide recommendations.
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1479 on: November 28, 2022, 05:48:07 pm »

I get a big kick out of discussions about English usage. People have so many doctrinaire positions over what are almost always arbitrary style guide recommendations.

Until you're sued. 

Oxford Comma Dispute Is Settled as Maine Drivers Get $5 Million
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