Are you Q?
Funny you should ask. When I was growing up and watched James Bond movies, I never wanted to be James Bond. For starters, he was always making out with the girls, and I wasn't really into girls at the time. At that age, girls still had cooties. Anyway, one Christmas I got a James Bond briefcase, you know the one with the rubber knives that slid out of the ends when you turned the latches the wrong way. I thought that was the coolest thing. But James Bond didn't think that up. He was more into the physical stuff like beating up Odd Job and almost getting his nuts cut off by a laser beam. I was more interested in the intellectual side, so my hero was M. Do you remember all the stuff M did with James Bond's Aston Martin, you know like the ejection seat and the machine guns where the headlights were supposed to be? Awesome! So when my friends and I played James Bond adventures, I always pretended to be M. A real advantage to pretending to be M is no one ever shot at you and you never got cooties. The thing is as I grew older, so did M, until one day, M went to that big secret agent research and development department in the sky. So M was replaced by Q. I don't know how you feel about it, but I think Q is a dork. Initially, I felt a little insulted that you would even ask me if I were Q, but then I thought about it for a while and realized you probably didn't know how I felt, so everything is okay. But to answer your question, I am not Q, and I would never pretend to be. M is the man for me.
You know, something just struck me. Maybe you weren't thinking about James Bond at all. Maybe you were thinking about Star Trek - The Next Generation. If that is what you were thinking of, then I have never been so flattered in my life. I am definitely Q. Everybody wants to be Q. The best part about being Q is that you get to drive Captain Picard crazy, so crazy that he forgets to order his Earl Grey hot. It's hilarious. Fortunately, after about a dozen therapy sessions with Counselor Troi, he is able to remember to say "Engage" and they can get on with the next adventure. But it was touch and go there for a while. Yep, I am definitely Q. Nice to meet you.