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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 283606 times)

Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1440 on: January 14, 2022, 04:56:42 pm »

I came across this humorous interview with a Syrian-born New York actor about his type-casting. He tells some funny stories, with the occasional profanity. The first 10-20 seconds of audio is garbled but it clears up after that. It's about 9 min long, . If I made movies, I'd hire this guy in a minute. :)
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Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1441 on: February 21, 2022, 08:25:25 am »

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Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1442 on: March 10, 2022, 03:16:33 pm »

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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1443 on: March 15, 2022, 10:47:15 am »

A young woman finished her workday and boarded a commuter train for the ride home. She was bushed, so leaned back and closed her eyes in hope of catching a short nap.

A moment later a 40-something man sat next to her and immediately made a call on his cell phone, apparently to his wife.
“Hi dear, it’s me, Alan. I had to catch a later train because the meeting ran late…Yes of course I was at the meeting…no, of course this has nothing to do with my secretary…you know you’re the only one for me.”

So on and so forth, blah blah blah, until the young woman got fed up. She leaned close to the man and said loudly “Alan, put down your phone and come back to bed.”

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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1444 on: March 21, 2022, 05:10:25 am »

Wise sign
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1445 on: March 27, 2022, 11:29:56 pm »

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Redcrown

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1446 on: March 28, 2022, 01:25:09 pm »

From a shop window in Italy
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1447 on: April 07, 2022, 11:33:23 am »

Here's the version I heard:

In heaven:

- All the cooks are French
- All the lovers are Italian
- All the police are English
- All the mechanics are German
- And everything is organized by the Swiss.

In hell:

- All the cooks are English
- All the lovers are Swiss
- All the police are German
- All the mechanics are French
- And everything is organized by the Italians

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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

rabanito

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1448 on: April 09, 2022, 11:40:21 am »

Here's the version I heard:


In hell:

- All the cooks are English
- All the lovers are Swiss
- All the police are German
- All the mechanics are French
- And everything is organized by the Italians

Thats the version I know, but in Switzerland nobody laughed...🤭
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1449 on: April 09, 2022, 01:03:02 pm »

Thats the version I know, but in Switzerland nobody laughed...🤭

For Germans, humor is a serious thing.

rabanito

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1450 on: April 10, 2022, 05:51:25 am »

For Germans, humor is a serious thing.

Hahaha. I like this kind of humor. ;D

But just in case and for the record, Switzerland and Germany are two different countries. And also different peoples.

Germans deservedly earned a bad name some time ago. I'd say that IMHO this is by far not the case anymore. At least in what concerns the police.
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1451 on: April 14, 2022, 08:33:50 pm »

Ron Chesterfield, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife.
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1452 on: May 22, 2022, 03:27:54 pm »

Come closer…

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1453 on: May 23, 2022, 11:57:27 pm »

I love it!   :D
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1454 on: May 26, 2022, 09:22:12 am »

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1455 on: May 26, 2022, 09:29:17 am »

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Reminds me of this one:

Milton Berle used to go to an old folks home once in a while to put on a little show and cheer up the residents. One time he noticed an old lady sitting all by herself and looking rather sad, so he decided to pay her some special attention. He went over to her.

"Hi," he said, "do you know who I am?"

"No," she replied, "but if you ask the nurse she'll tell you."
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1456 on: May 26, 2022, 08:23:13 pm »

Thank you for those gems, Peter and Slobodan!
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LesPalenik

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1457 on: June 21, 2022, 04:43:00 am »

Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnny, are the average citizen.’

That night Johnny is woken up by his baby brother’s cries. He goes to the crib and notices that his brother has soiled his diapers. He runs to his mom and finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid’s room and finds her in bed with his father. He returns to his bed.

The next day Johnny tells his dad that he has the working of a country all figured out. His dad asks him to explain.

“A country is where an average citizen can’t get proper sleep as the rich are screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep and the future is full of shit,” Johnny explains.
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1458 on: June 21, 2022, 08:07:29 am »

Les, superb!

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1459 on: June 21, 2022, 10:11:50 am »

I was told this as a true story:

An astronomer gave a public talk on the structure and function of the solar system. After the talk, an old lady came up to him and said, "You have it all wrong, Professor, the world is supported on the back of a giant turtle."

The Professor, humoring her, asked "And what supports this giant turtle?"

"Why another even bigger turtle, of course!" replied the lady.

"OK," responded the Professor, "and what supports ..."

The old lady held up a hand to silence him, and said, "It's no use Professor, it's turtles all the way down."
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan
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