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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 235012 times)

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1220 on: May 05, 2020, 11:08:00 am »

Three young black men were in court.

Leroy was given 15 years for possession of a knife.

Winston was given 25 years for possession of a gun.

Tyrone was given 10 years for possession of 59 cents in loose change.

Summing up the judge stated:

“Although Tyrone wasn’t in possession of a knife or a gun

it’s clear he was saving up for one!”.

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1221 on: May 05, 2020, 11:10:13 am »

Got the wife a Pug dog yesterday.

Despite the squashed nose, the bulging eyes and the rolls of fat the dog seems to like her.

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1222 on: May 05, 2020, 11:11:24 am »

Paddy says to Mick “How did you get on at the faith healing meeting last night?”

Mick said “ He was absolutely shite, even the feller in the wheelchair got up and walked out.”

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1223 on: May 05, 2020, 11:12:29 am »

Bloke buys a talking centipede for £5000 and takes it home in a box.

After an hour he opens the box and says Do you fancy going for a pint?

The centipede doesnt answer so raising his voice he repeats the question and still no reply.

Getting angry, thinking he has been done, he shouts the question loudly.

At which the centipede sticks his head out of the box and says I heard you the first time, I putting my fucking shoes on.

Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1224 on: May 05, 2020, 01:08:44 pm »

A short film about an undesirable guest at a pool party .
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Robert

Chris Kern

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1225 on: May 05, 2020, 02:23:00 pm »

Schrödinger's Virus

Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1226 on: May 05, 2020, 02:43:15 pm »

At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to the guy next to me,

“Isn’t the bride a right ugly dog.”

“Do you mind, that’s my daughter you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were her father.”

“I’m not, I’m her fucking mother.”

If it had truly been where you claim, Rob, the conversation would have ended with a Glasgow kiss after the first spoken sentence.

Jeremy
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armand

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1227 on: May 05, 2020, 03:00:19 pm »

Schrödinger's Virus

I shared this some time ago, whoever wrote it is a genius.

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1228 on: May 05, 2020, 05:42:04 pm »

If it had truly been where you claim, Rob, the conversation would have ended with a Glasgow kiss after the first spoken sentence.

Jeremy
[/q


That was the 50s. They lernd sofistycaashunce once the 60s arrived.

:-)

JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1229 on: May 06, 2020, 08:26:33 am »

FYI, that's an actual tweet from Politico in that pic. 
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1230 on: May 06, 2020, 09:44:14 am »

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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1231 on: May 07, 2020, 03:25:13 pm »

I saw a press release from Heinz the other day. It said “NOTE: we will NEVER EVER make a bolognese version of our Alphabet Spaghetti”.

“Blimey” I thought. “They don’t mince their words.”
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1232 on: May 08, 2020, 08:38:24 am »

I have deleted a number of recent posts.

This is a thread for humour and jokes. Keep the politics elsewhere. To those who made the deleted posts: you know who you are; don't do it again.

Jeremy
« Last Edit: May 08, 2020, 08:42:46 am by Jeremy Roussak »
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Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1233 on: May 08, 2020, 11:07:57 am »

Thank you, Jeremy.

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RSL

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1234 on: May 08, 2020, 12:48:22 pm »

I saw a press release from Heinz the other day. It said “NOTE: we will NEVER EVER make a bolognese version of our Alphabet Spaghetti”.

“Blimey” I thought. “They don’t mince their words.”

For shame, Jeremy!
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1235 on: May 08, 2020, 06:22:03 pm »

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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1236 on: May 10, 2020, 01:48:15 pm »

This one might be lost on the non-British, even if they're aware of our adulation for the NHS. Explanation available, but withheld for now.

Jeremy
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1237 on: May 10, 2020, 05:10:51 pm »

...

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1238 on: May 10, 2020, 05:55:55 pm »

This one might be lost on the non-British, even if they're aware of our adulation for the NHS. Explanation available, but withheld for now.

Jeremy

All in a sentence...

KLaban

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1239 on: May 11, 2020, 03:19:42 am »

This one might be lost on the non-British, even if they're aware of our adulation for the NHS. Explanation available, but withheld for now.

Jeremy

I was going to say that I like his paste, but of course that was Shippams.
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