Topic: A touch of humor (Read 325975 times)

Rob C · « **Reply #1220 on:** May 05, 2020, 11:08:00 am »

Three young black men were in court.

Leroy was given 15 years for possession of a knife.

Winston was given 25 years for possession of a gun.

Tyrone was given 10 years for possession of 59 cents in loose change.

Summing up the judge stated:

“Although Tyrone wasn’t in possession of a knife or a gun

it’s clear he was saving up for one!”.

Rob C · « **Reply #1221 on:** May 05, 2020, 11:10:13 am »

Got the wife a Pug dog yesterday.

Despite the squashed nose, the bulging eyes and the rolls of fat the dog seems to like her.

Rob C · « **Reply #1222 on:** May 05, 2020, 11:11:24 am »

Paddy says to Mick “How did you get on at the faith healing meeting last night?”

Mick said “ He was absolutely shite, even the feller in the wheelchair got up and walked out.”

Rob C · « **Reply #1223 on:** May 05, 2020, 11:12:29 am »

Bloke buys a talking centipede for £5000 and takes it home in a box.

After an hour he opens the box and says Do you fancy going for a pint?

The centipede doesnt answer so raising his voice he repeats the question and still no reply.

Getting angry, thinking he has been done, he shouts the question loudly.

At which the centipede sticks his head out of the box and says I heard you the first time, I putting my fucking shoes on.

Robert Roaldi · « **Reply #1224 on:** May 05, 2020, 01:08:44 pm »

A short film about an undesirable guest at a pool party .

Chris Kern · « **Reply #1225 on:** May 05, 2020, 02:23:00 pm »

Schrödinger's Virus

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #1226 on:** May 05, 2020, 02:43:15 pm »

Quote from: Rob C on May 05, 2020, 11:05:11 am

At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to the guy next to me,

“Isn’t the bride a right ugly dog.”

“Do you mind, that’s my daughter you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were her father.”

“I’m not, I’m her fucking mother.”

If it had truly been where you claim, Rob, the conversation would have ended with a Glasgow kiss after the first spoken sentence.

Jeremy

armand · « **Reply #1227 on:** May 05, 2020, 03:00:19 pm »

Quote from: Chris Kern on May 05, 2020, 02:23:00 pm

Schrödinger's Virus

I shared this some time ago, whoever wrote it is a genius.

Rob C · « **Reply #1228 on:** May 05, 2020, 05:42:04 pm »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on May 05, 2020, 02:43:15 pm

If it had truly been where you claim, Rob, the conversation would have ended with a Glasgow kiss after the first spoken sentence.

Jeremy
[/q

That was the 50s. They lernd sofistycaashunce once the 60s arrived.

:-)

JoeKitchen · « **Reply #1229 on:** May 06, 2020, 08:26:33 am »

FYI, that's an actual tweet from Politico in that pic.

JoeKitchen · « **Reply #1230 on:** May 06, 2020, 09:44:14 am »

Hitler Just Wants A Pint

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #1231 on:** May 07, 2020, 03:25:13 pm »

I saw a press release from Heinz the other day. It said “NOTE: we will NEVER EVER make a bolognese version of our Alphabet Spaghetti”.

“Blimey” I thought. “They don’t mince their words.”

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #1232 on:** May 08, 2020, 08:38:24 am »

I have deleted a number of recent posts.

This is a thread for humour and jokes. Keep the politics elsewhere. To those who made the deleted posts: you know who you are; don't do it again.

Jeremy

Eric Myrvaagnes · « **Reply #1233 on:** May 08, 2020, 11:07:57 am »

Thank you, Jeremy.

RSL · « **Reply #1234 on:** May 08, 2020, 12:48:22 pm »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on May 07, 2020, 03:25:13 pm

I saw a press release from Heinz the other day. It said “NOTE: we will NEVER EVER make a bolognese version of our Alphabet Spaghetti”.

“Blimey” I thought. “They don’t mince their words.”

For shame, Jeremy!

JoeKitchen · « **Reply #1235 on:** May 08, 2020, 06:22:03 pm »

The World's New Theme Song!!!

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #1236 on:** May 10, 2020, 01:48:15 pm »

This one might be lost on the non-British, even if they're aware of our adulation for the NHS. Explanation available, but withheld for now.

Jeremy

Slobodan Blagojevic · « **Reply #1237 on:** May 10, 2020, 05:10:51 pm »

Rob C · « **Reply #1238 on:** May 10, 2020, 05:55:55 pm »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on May 10, 2020, 01:48:15 pm

This one might be lost on the non-British, even if they're aware of our adulation for the NHS. Explanation available, but withheld for now.

Jeremy

All in a sentence...

KLaban · « **Reply #1239 on:** May 11, 2020, 03:19:42 am »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on May 10, 2020, 01:48:15 pm

This one might be lost on the non-British, even if they're aware of our adulation for the NHS. Explanation available, but withheld for now.

Jeremy

I was going to say that I like his paste, but of course that was Shippams.

Author Topic: A touch of humor (Read 325975 times)