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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 235066 times)

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #440 on: March 02, 2017, 07:34:51 pm »

(Best understood by those of us, like me, whose education pre-dates the advent of calculators.)
Jeremy,

I'm tempted to send you one of my slide rules!

Eric
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JNB_Rare

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #441 on: March 02, 2017, 08:57:29 pm »

(Best understood by those of us, like me, whose education pre-dates the advent of calculators.)

You mean before fingers and toes?

Ah, calculators. I remember the first "portable" 4-function ones that you still had to plug in, and they cost a much as a decent laptop computer. Speaking of computers, there's that old chestnut:

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

(apologies if it's been posted before)
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #442 on: March 03, 2017, 04:33:12 am »

Jeremy,

I'm tempted to send you one of my slide rules!

Eric

I still have my lovely double-sided British Thornton slide rule. Not that I've used it for a while, of course.

Ah, calculators. I remember the first "portable" 4-function ones that you still had to plug in, and they cost a much as a decent laptop computer. Speaking of computers, there's that old chestnut:

My first was the Sinclair Scientific. It could take a minute or more to work out a sine, and it worked in Łukasiewicz (Reverse Polish) notation. My later HP35 also used RPN and to this day I am uneasy using a calculator which functions in the "usual" way.

Jeremy
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Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #443 on: March 03, 2017, 09:17:36 am »

Teaching math classes in the early days of the calculator, I recall that many students would happen to hit the wrong keys from time to time, but the electronic display was so impressive that they couldn't believe they had made mistakes.

And I remember painfully well the first calculator I bought in order to do my income taxes. It cost a hundred dollars on sale at Sears, and it could add, subtract, multiply, and divide, to about six figures. I used it for all the painful calculations on the tax forms, and finally there was one simple one that I could always do in my head (something like: subtract 2000 from some bigger number).

So I did that one in my head, and sent in the tax forms.

A couple of weeks later I got a letter from the government to the effect that there was an arithmetic error on my form. You guessed it. At least they corrected it and I didn't have to pay any penalties.   :'(
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #444 on: March 03, 2017, 09:37:06 am »

.

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #445 on: March 03, 2017, 09:50:17 am »

I used to have a Sinclair too! That one worked with batteries. I seem to remember it in association with the colour blue.

I recall that when we first came to live here, my wife and I would venture down to Palma to one of the huge superstores there and buy boxes of wine etc., brands that the local shops up here in the north didn't carry.

She always wrote out lists and stuck with them, and ignored what wasn't on that list. She'd put prices down by hand and I'd use a running total on the calculator. I would show it to her at the check-out and she'd shake her head and say no. I was always wrong and she was always right. She had a head for maths and physics and chemistry and, above all, cooking!

I eventually stopped keeping useless totals, and we also stopped driving down there for big shopping events; the local brands turned out to be just as good, and saved the hassle.

It used to be said that the Brits were a strange, rather unique breed that would drive a hundred miles to save a hundred pesetas...

Redcrown

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #446 on: March 03, 2017, 11:57:32 am »

The joke about cheap parking is amazing... in the length of its legs. It's been around for decades, not sure of the origin.

What's interesting is how it changes, and how it stays the same. The basic premise never changes, and the amount of the loan is fairly constant. But the owner, the vehicle, and the location varies over time. For a long time is was an old man with a Cadillac in Miami (going on a cruise). Sometimes the old man was a Jew, sometimes not. Back in the eighties there was a version with a pimp in pink suit and flowered hat. I've never heard it with a blonde before. And I've never heard it set outside the U.S.

I wonder what other old jokes reflect clutural changes over time. I wonder if there is a Japanese version, or a Russian version, etc.
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #447 on: March 03, 2017, 02:14:03 pm »

The joke about cheap parking is amazing... in the length of its legs. It's been around for decades, not sure of the origin.

What's interesting is how it changes, and how it stays the same. The basic premise never changes, and the amount of the loan is fairly constant. But the owner, the vehicle, and the location varies over time. For a long time is was an old man with a Cadillac in Miami (going on a cruise). Sometimes the old man was a Jew, sometimes not. Back in the eighties there was a version with a pimp in pink suit and flowered hat. I've never heard it with a blonde before. And I've never heard it set outside the U.S.

I wonder what other old jokes reflect clutural changes over time. I wonder if there is a Japanese version, or a Russian version, etc.


That would be an alternative joke or fake one, perhaps?

Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #448 on: March 03, 2017, 02:22:37 pm »

The joke about cheap parking is amazing... in the length of its legs. It's been around for decades, not sure of the origin.

What's interesting is how it changes, and how it stays the same. The basic premise never changes, and the amount of the loan is fairly constant. But the owner, the vehicle, and the location varies over time. For a long time is was an old man with a Cadillac in Miami (going on a cruise). Sometimes the old man was a Jew, sometimes not. Back in the eighties there was a version with a pimp in pink suit and flowered hat. I've never heard it with a blonde before. And I've never heard it set outside the U.S.

I was first told that joke by my father nearly 50 years ago. It involved a Rolls and was set in London.

Jeremy
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #449 on: March 04, 2017, 10:20:52 am »

 A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
 
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'       

'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
   
'No, because he's really heavy'

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #450 on: March 07, 2017, 03:35:12 am »



While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'

The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc..'

The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate it.'

The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not,! I want a second opinion.'
The doctor replies, 'Well, go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, Yes, Mongolian VD.
Vewy ware disease.'

The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do,?

My American doctor wants to operate and amputate it!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.

'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way.
No need to amputate.!'

Oh, Thank God,!' the man replies.

'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor,

'Wait two weeks.......

fall off by itself.!'

 

Otto Phocus

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #451 on: March 07, 2017, 07:12:20 am »

Q:  How do you get a Professional Photographer to leave a party?

A:  Just pay him for the Pizza and close the door.
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drmike

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #452 on: March 13, 2017, 05:23:46 am »

Q. How do you measure the quality of puns?

A. With a sighsmograph!
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #453 on: March 13, 2017, 03:22:18 pm »

Q:  How do you get a Professional Photographer to leave a party?
A:  Just pay him for the Pizza and close the door.

I remember a series of similar jokes about drummers. What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a small family. Same theme.

Jeremy
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #454 on: March 13, 2017, 03:28:20 pm »

Which makes both Ringo and Bailey fall about laughing!

;-)

Rob

Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #455 on: March 13, 2017, 03:30:41 pm »

Which makes both Ringo and Bailey fall about laughing!

Maybe they had other attributes.

What do you call a man who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.

Jeremy
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #456 on: March 13, 2017, 03:44:52 pm »

Maybe they had other attributes.

What do you call a man who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.

Jeremy


But mainly, they need him. The bands make so little money locally that, could they dump the drummer they'd be better off, but they can't, for then they'd all drift off to the sound of their own different beats.

Maybe they could club together and buy a metronome instead.

Rob

JNB_Rare

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #458 on: March 15, 2017, 07:21:13 pm »

You couldn't make it up:

http://www.msn.com/es-es/noticias/espana/el-%e2%80%98prost%c3%adbulo%e2%80%99-de-mu%c3%b1ecas-de-barcelona-forzado-a-trasladarse-a-un-nuevo-espacio/ar-AAoo4hV?li=BBpm69L&ocid=UE07DHP

Sure ya' could. Remember Zhora and Pris (basic pleasure model replicants) from Blade Runner? Probably not what the Barcelonans are looking for, but hey, ya' never know.

Ending Pris
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #459 on: March 16, 2017, 05:00:38 am »

Sure ya' could. Remember Zhora and Pris (basic pleasure model replicants) from Blade Runner? Probably not what the Barcelonans are looking for, but hey, ya' never know.

Ending Pris

I've often wondered why it's more efficient to do a series of flips than run straight at something. Feels a denial of the direct line being the shorter option. Sort of similar to climate-change denial, if you like. But it does provide a perfect opportunity for showing off a delightful ass.

Actually, that was quite an emotionally charged movie, in its way.

I was musing about the life choices one makes, and had asked myself what I'd do now, given my time and chances over again. I sort of concluded that I'd still enjoy a life in images, but rather than photographic stills, which though I believe can be an art, has had - I guess - its commercial day. Now, I'd try to become a producer of tv content. I'd look at the opportunites of that as maker of short features or series.

Rob

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