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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 235273 times)

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #260 on: November 15, 2016, 03:58:36 am »

There is a medical distinction between "Guts" and "Balls".
We've heard colleagues referring to people with "Guts", or
with "Balls".
Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here's the official distinction; straight from the British
Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the
lads, being met by your wife with a broom,
and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or
are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads,
smelling of perfume and beer,
lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and
having the "Balls" to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both
are fatal

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #261 on: November 15, 2016, 09:32:58 am »

Sheer poetry, Rob!   ;D
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #262 on: November 15, 2016, 10:31:03 am »

Sheer poetry, Rob!   ;D


I know, I know, but I felt we need it on Lula these days: so depressing to have these interminable threads on politics that can't possibly change a hot damned thing. How divisive these things can actually become.

Not a lot else seems to be going down, I'm sorry to say. (But even that innocent remark could be open to misinterpretation.)

Might take a brief holiday and inspect my navel a little bit; too cold and miserable to do much else, but I am invited to lunch on 
Thursday: my usual restaurant's closing down until March, and they have an annual, end-of-season family do in the place, to which this is a summons. Which feels kinda nice.

Big problem, though, is where the hell else to eat until they reopen ?

Rob

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #263 on: November 15, 2016, 12:02:39 pm »

The nurse said to the doctor: the invisible man is in the waiting room and wants an appointment.

The doctor replied: Tell him I won't be able to see him.
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #264 on: November 15, 2016, 12:05:02 pm »

Rob,
I look forward to your photos of your navel.
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #265 on: November 16, 2016, 06:00:02 am »

Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #266 on: November 16, 2016, 07:24:36 am »

I find I can tell a judgemental person just by looking at them

eronald

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #267 on: November 16, 2016, 09:01:31 am »

Listen up, Guys!  This is the voice of experience speaking!

Edmund

There is a medical distinction between "Guts" and "Balls".
We've heard colleagues referring to people with "Guts", or
with "Balls".
Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here's the official distinction; straight from the British
Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the
lads, being met by your wife with a broom,
and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or
are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads,
smelling of perfume and beer,
lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and
having the "Balls" to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both
are fatal
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eronald

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #268 on: November 16, 2016, 09:06:36 am »

The Panda is a restaurant nightmare - after the meal he pulls out a gun and fires it at the waiter, and walks out.

The server runs after him in the street and asks "why no pay and worse, no tip"? Panda answers "look it up in the encyclopedia: A Panda eats shoots and leaves" .

Emund
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Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #269 on: November 16, 2016, 10:25:58 am »

I got kicked out of the swimming baths today for peeing in the pool. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I almost fell in.

Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #270 on: November 16, 2016, 11:40:12 am »

My wife said we should do something to put the magic back in our relationship. So I sawed her in half.

Patricia Sheley

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #271 on: November 16, 2016, 12:45:02 pm »

I almost fell in  ..  I sawed her in half.

Bill, your stand up is a welcome respite and a hoot to boot.
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A common woman~

Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #272 on: November 16, 2016, 12:58:11 pm »

A family of cannibals are dining on a couple of conservationists that they have caught in the jungle. 'But I'm not hungry', complains one of the youngsters. 'Well', says the mum, 'you'll never grow up to be big and strong unless you eat up all of your greens'.

Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #273 on: November 16, 2016, 01:38:34 pm »

If a man says something in the woods, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

Patricia Sheley

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #274 on: November 16, 2016, 01:59:10 pm »

no woman hears
Well Bill, thank you for the entertainment...I FINALLY noticed your website. The work is gorgeous. I will never try to judge an image posted here again in all likelihood. I never am able to come close when attempting to share something that is striking me in a good way...my lack of posting prep skills. From now on when I see yours I will seek them on your site.

I really need to bring back a proper presence on the web, but am thriving on my new childhood way too much. So glad I'm finally on to your "other" presence. And thanks for the education. I won't miss the treat of yours again.
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Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #275 on: November 16, 2016, 03:34:53 pm »

Thanks, Patricia. Glad you like my photos  :)

eronald

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #276 on: November 17, 2016, 12:11:26 am »

If a man says something in the woods, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

I think you need to mansplain this one.

E.
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #277 on: November 18, 2016, 04:06:27 am »

My father's trying to persuade me to get an organ donor card. He's a man after my own heart.

Jeremy

(from the Edinburgh Fringe, this year)
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Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #278 on: November 18, 2016, 04:10:22 am »

I think you need to mansplain this one.

E.

It's a take on the question, 'If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one to hear it, does it make a sound?'

eronald

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #279 on: November 18, 2016, 05:12:30 am »

It's a take on the question, 'If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one to hear it, does it make a sound?'

and here i was trying to be witty.

maybe I should forget humor and try something simpler eg. -photography .

Edmund
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