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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 235462 times)

Paulo Bizarro

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1040 on: March 24, 2020, 01:33:58 pm »

There's a plane with 5 passengers on board: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Pope Francis, Angela Merkel, and a 10-year-old schoolboy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes. Trump says: "I need one. Iím the smartest man in the world and am needed to make America great again." He takes one and jumps. Johnson says, "Iím needed to sort out Britain." He takes one and jumps. The Pope says, "I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church." He takes one and jumps. Merkel says to the 10-year old boy: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10-year-old replies: "Donít worry, there are 2 parachutes left. The smartest man in the world took my school bag.Ē'

Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1041 on: March 25, 2020, 06:33:42 am »

The first time (of many) that I read that joke, the man who'd jumped out of the plane with the non-parachute was Kissinger.

Jeremy
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petermfiore

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1042 on: March 25, 2020, 07:45:40 am »

The first time (of many) that I read that joke, the man who'd jumped out of the plane with the non-parachute was Kissinger.

Jeremy

Exactly! That was back in My high school days. 72 or so. And it probably goes back to Noah with one of his sons jumping ship....

Peter

armand

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1043 on: March 25, 2020, 09:50:49 am »

Moscow, in the 50's. There is an interdiction to be out between 9pm and 6am.
Two cops see somebody rushing in the street. One of cops lifts his machine gun and shoots him.
-Volodia, why did you shot him? It's only 8.45pm.
- I know him, he lives far from here, he wouldn't have made it.

armand

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1044 on: March 25, 2020, 11:29:33 pm »

..

Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1045 on: March 26, 2020, 03:51:32 am »

...

Robert Roaldi

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1046 on: March 26, 2020, 07:12:29 am »

This isn't humour so much as it is weird, https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8150601/Man-26-filmed-licking-toiletries-Walmart-charged-making-terrorist-threat.html.

If you invented a character in a novel or movie that did this, people wouldn't believe it, would consider it farce, justifiably so. Except maybe in a Tim Dorsey novel, where the shelf licker might be the sanest person in the book. I couldn't make stuff like this up.
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1047 on: March 27, 2020, 11:13:20 am »

You got to admit, this one is pretty good. 

Pelosi Delays Stimulus Package Until Her New Souvenir Pens Come In
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1048 on: March 27, 2020, 11:43:28 am »

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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1049 on: March 27, 2020, 11:51:05 am »

What is that - off a car? Haven't looked at any car parts in decades, but it reminds me of car air filter interiors.

Maybe that handy Urban Dictionary may help...

Rob

PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1050 on: March 27, 2020, 12:00:51 pm »

You got to admit, this one is pretty good. 


No I don't.
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Peter

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drmike

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1051 on: March 27, 2020, 12:04:47 pm »

What is that - off a car? Haven't looked at any car parts in decades, but it reminds me of car air filter interiors.

Maybe that handy Urban Dictionary may help...

Rob

Your memory serves you well. An air filter from a car. Cute but useless.
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1052 on: March 27, 2020, 03:37:18 pm »

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1053 on: March 27, 2020, 03:38:22 pm »

No I don't.

Well, I'm not surprise.  People on the left have completely lost the ability to laugh at themselves. 

Maybe that is a lesson you can take from Trump, he is always making jokes at his expense. 

Lighten up man. 
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Chris Kern

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1054 on: March 27, 2020, 03:43:29 pm »

Maybe that is a lesson you can take from Trump, he is always making jokes at his expense. 

That's true.  But they're unintentional.

Craig Lamson

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1055 on: March 27, 2020, 03:49:24 pm »

From my wife...

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant, when I pee it cleans the toilet.


You think some dogs are hard to train, we have humans who have not learned to sit and stay.
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Slobodan Blagojevic

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1056 on: March 27, 2020, 04:02:38 pm »

...

JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1057 on: March 27, 2020, 04:03:15 pm »

That's true.  But they're unintentional.

Some are, some are deliberate.  He constantly jokes about his orange complexion and lack of diction. 
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1058 on: March 27, 2020, 04:14:38 pm »

Well, I'm not surprise.  People on the left have completely lost the ability to laugh at themselves. 

Maybe that is a lesson you can take from Trump, he is always making jokes at his expense. 

Lighten up man.

I am afraid you are right, about some of us--but not all or even most. Replace Pelosi with Trump and I still wouldn't have found it funny. Or clever, or witty.
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Peter

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JoeKitchen

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #1059 on: March 27, 2020, 04:31:35 pm »

I am afraid you are right, about some of us--but not all or even most. Replace Pelosi with Trump and I still wouldn't have found it funny. Or clever, or witty.

But you got the reference right?  The joke would not make sense with Trump.

And I high disagree with that most libs are okay joking about themselves.  Have you seen late night TV in the last 3 years? 
« Last Edit: March 28, 2020, 07:21:25 am by JoeKitchen »
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