Topic: A touch of humor (Read 330605 times)

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #800 on:** February 18, 2019, 02:17:46 pm »

In a small town in the Australian outback, a new shop opens with "Taxidermist" on the sign over the door. The local lads are confused and a little worried: they don't know what a taxidermist is (and it's pre-internet). So Bruce is deputed to find out, and approaches the stranger, who is sitting with a beer on the porch outside the shop.

"G'day" he says, and gets a friendly response. He starts to chat to the owner, and the conversation goes well. After a while, Bruce plucks up courage.

"So", he says. "What do you do?"
"I'm a taxidermist", pointing to the sign.
"Well, yes", says Bruce. "But what's a taxidermist do?"
"Oh, I stuff animals" says the taxidermist.

Bruce gives a quiet sigh of relief and calls to his mates, who are watching from a safe distance.

"It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

NancyP · « **Reply #801 on:** February 20, 2019, 01:43:08 pm »

Re: UK classifieds
At one point, the London Review of Books had hilarious personal ads. Self-deprecation, demonstration of eccentricity, such a relief from the usual US style (a direct comparison would be personal ads in the New York Review of Books - exercises in showing how tasteful one is - unintentionally funny, at least to me). I believe that the LRB compiled the best of the ads and published them in a humor book.

PeterAit · « **Reply #802 on:** February 21, 2019, 09:59:08 am »

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

rabanito · « **Reply #803 on:** February 21, 2019, 04:18:23 pm »

Quote from: PeterAit on February 21, 2019, 09:59:08 am

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

You did compose it now?
This limerick was quoted in 1924.
So it has traveled much faster than light as well...

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #804 on:** February 22, 2019, 03:24:33 am »

Quote from: PeterAit on February 21, 2019, 09:59:08 am

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

In the version I've known, the last line reads "and arrived back the previous night"; it scans.

Jeremy

PeterAit · « **Reply #805 on:** February 23, 2019, 10:47:51 am »

For cat lovers:

A German shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat all die. They find themselves before God who wants to know what they believe.

The shepherd says “I believe in complete loyalty and obedience to my master.”

“Good,” says God, “you may sit at my right hand. And you?” he asks the Doberman.

“I believe in protecting my master and his family at all costs.”

“Good,” says God, “you may sit at my left hand. And you, cat, what do you believe?”

“I believe you are sitting in my chair.”

PeterAit · « **Reply #806 on:** February 26, 2019, 09:34:50 am »

Young seminary student to the Bishop: "Is it OK to kiss a nun?"

Bishop: "Yes, as long as you don't get into the habit."

==========================================

Along the same lines:

==========================================

Buddhist to his teacher: "Master, is it OK for a Buddhist to use email?"

Master: "Sure, as long as there are no attachments."

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #807 on:** February 26, 2019, 02:40:29 pm »

The Dalai Lama goes to a burger stall in New York, and says "Make me one with everything".

Jeremy

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #808 on:** March 08, 2019, 08:57:21 am »

The Daily Mash has some very funny stuff. Some of it perhaps a little close to the bone.

Jeremy

Slobodan Blagojevic · « **Reply #809 on:** March 08, 2019, 09:31:06 am »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on March 08, 2019, 08:57:21 am

The Daily Mash has some very funny stuff. Some of it perhaps a little close to the bone.

Brilliant!

Quote

Picking up a big lens, Hollis said: “I don’t even know what this glassy thing does and I could have had two weeks in Ibiza for it.”

Come to think of it, Jeremy, you had your cake and ate it too: you had your “big glassy thing” AND two weeks in ~~Ibiza~~ Japan

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #810 on:** March 08, 2019, 12:40:06 pm »

Quote from: Slobodan Blagojevic on March 08, 2019, 09:31:06 am

Come to think of it, Jeremy, you had your cake and ate it too: you had your “big glassy thing” AND two weeks in ~~Ibiza~~ Japan

I had the time in Japan, but sadly the big glassy thing was hired and has had to be returned.

Jeremy

Ivophoto · « **Reply #811 on:** March 08, 2019, 01:15:36 pm »

British sports

https://youtu.be/E_6d3JBBo4s

Slobodan Blagojevic · « **Reply #812 on:** March 08, 2019, 04:58:25 pm »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on March 08, 2019, 08:57:21 am

The Daily Mash has some very funny stuff. Some of it perhaps a little close to the bone.

In a related story...

PeterAit · « **Reply #813 on:** March 18, 2019, 08:23:47 am »

A woman's parrot has been very ill and is unresponsive. She takes it to the vet, who after a quick examination pronounces the bird dead. The woman does not believe him and asks for more tests.

The vet brings in a Labrador retriever who sniffs the parrot and shows no interest. She is still not convinced so he brings in a cat who also sniffs the bird with no reaction.

Finally convinced, she sighs and asks for the bill. It is $5,000 and she is outraged.

"Well," replies the vet,"if you has accepted my original diagnosis it would have been $20, but you insisted on the lab test and the cat scan."

Rob C · « **Reply #814 on:** March 18, 2019, 08:53:17 am »

Quote from: PeterAit on March 18, 2019, 08:23:47 am

A woman's parrot has been very ill and is unresponsive. She takes it to the vet, who after a quick examination pronounces the bird dead. The woman does not believe him and asks for more tests.

The vet brings in a Labrador retriever who sniffs the parrot and shows no interest. She is still not convinced so he brings in a cat who also sniffs the bird with no reaction.

Finally convinced, she sighs and asks for the bill. It is $5,000 and she is outraged.

"Well," replies the vet,"if you has accepted my original diagnosis it would have been $20, but you insisted on the lab test and the cat scan."

Loved that one!

Eric Myrvaagnes · « **Reply #815 on:** March 18, 2019, 11:11:43 am »

Good one, Peter.

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #816 on:** March 29, 2019, 03:34:19 pm »

This is, I am reliably informed, genuine. It shows, I suppose, that puerile, smutty jokes about foreigners' names are not a new phenomenon; but it's elegantly phrased.

Jeremy

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #817 on:** March 29, 2019, 03:36:36 pm »

I don't recall where I came across this one. I rather hope it wasn't here.

Jeremy

Eric Myrvaagnes · « **Reply #818 on:** March 29, 2019, 05:27:38 pm »

Both good, Jeremy. Especially "Mustapha."

Frans Waterlander · « **Reply #819 on:** April 07, 2019, 02:02:06 pm »

One brother to another: "Did you know insomnia runs in our family?". The other brother: "I'm not worried about it and I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over it."

Author Topic: A touch of humor (Read 330605 times)