Topic: A touch of humor (Read 324818 times)

PeterAit · « **Reply #720 on:** November 12, 2018, 08:26:32 am »

The doctor said to her patient "You are in great health for a man of 80. Too bad you are only 35."

PeterAit · « **Reply #721 on:** November 12, 2018, 08:31:56 am »

A German shepherd, a doberman, and a cat all died at the same moment. They found themselves before the Throne of God, who asked them what they believed.

"I believe in unquestioning loyalty and obedience to my master," said the shepherd.

"Excellent, replied God, "You may sit at my right hand. And you?" he asked the doberman.

"I believe in protecting my master and his family at all costs."

"Excellent, replied God, "You may sit at my left hand. And what about you, cat?"

"I believe you are in my chair."

LesPalenik · « **Reply #722 on:** November 13, 2018, 03:15:21 am »

A man picked up a hitch hiker. After getting settled into the passenger seat, the hitchhiker thanked the man for the ride, then asked, “but how do you know I’m not a serial killer?”

“I’m not worried,” the driver replied. “The chances of two serial killers being in the same car have to be astronomical.”

Rob C · « **Reply #723 on:** November 13, 2018, 04:37:08 am »

I've had a really bad day.

First, my ex. got run over by a bus, and then I was fired from my job as a bus driver.

Rob C · « **Reply #724 on:** November 14, 2018, 04:00:29 am »

Wife: Look at that drunk guy!

Husband: Who is he?

Wife: Ten years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him!

Husband: OMG! he's still celebrating!

PeterAit · « **Reply #725 on:** November 14, 2018, 09:21:00 am »

A fellow found an old lamp and gave it a rub. Out popped a genie.

"I am the genie of the lamp. I grant you three wishes."

"I wish you were bad at arithmetic."

"Done," said the genie. "You now have 14 wishes."

Rob C · « **Reply #726 on:** November 16, 2018, 02:17:05 pm »

Mother: "Do you think I'm a bad Mom, Jimmie?"

Son: "My name is Jack."

petermfiore · « **Reply #727 on:** November 19, 2018, 07:23:11 am »

Quote from: Rob C on November 16, 2018, 02:17:05 pm

Mother: "Do you think I'm a bad Mom, Jimmie?"

Son: "My name is Jack."

So it goes.....

Peter

Rob C · « **Reply #728 on:** November 19, 2018, 08:26:39 am »

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief, suffering and stomach acid years after it's been consumed. It's called wedding cake.

PeterAit · « **Reply #729 on:** November 27, 2018, 09:03:26 am »

My wife and I are firm believers in marital fairness, so we divvy up the labors. For example, when we are having a conversation she does the talking and I do the listening.

Rob C · « **Reply #730 on:** November 27, 2018, 09:40:17 am »

A husband and wife have been driving all day and arguing. They pass a herd of jackasses.

The wife asks: "Relatives of yours?"

The husband replies: "Yes, in-laws."

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #731 on:** November 29, 2018, 03:42:24 pm »

Slobodan Blagojevic · « **Reply #732 on:** November 29, 2018, 04:01:09 pm »

There you go. King has much more limited range of movements... yet they complain about gender equality

Rob C · « **Reply #733 on:** November 29, 2018, 04:46:57 pm »

Quote from: Slobodan Blagojevic on November 29, 2018, 04:01:09 pm

There you go. King has much more limited range of movements... yet they complain about gender equality

This one has no king.

:-)

Zen8 · « **Reply #734 on:** November 30, 2018, 01:46:13 am »

Quote from: Jeremy Roussak on November 29, 2018, 03:42:24 pm

.

Unless she is blocked by the court Jester.

Rob C · « **Reply #735 on:** November 30, 2018, 06:29:23 am »

Quote from: Zen8 on November 30, 2018, 01:46:13 am

Unless she is blocked by the court Jester.

I always saw a knight as nothing but a wooden horse.

Rob C · « **Reply #736 on:** November 30, 2018, 06:36:31 am »

Adultery is a sin: you can't have your Kate and Edith too.

LesPalenik · « **Reply #737 on:** November 30, 2018, 07:16:40 am »

Quote from: Rob C on November 30, 2018, 06:36:31 am

Adultery is a sin: you can't have your Kate and Edith too.

Sin or not, the main thing is to be careful so that one doesn't find out about the other one.

Rob C · « **Reply #738 on:** November 30, 2018, 07:48:12 am »

Quote from: LesPalenik on November 30, 2018, 07:16:40 am

Sin or not, the main thing is to be careful so that one doesn't find out about the other one.

Easy: never use social media.

Jeremy Roussak · « **Reply #739 on:** November 30, 2018, 01:44:01 pm »

Quote from: LesPalenik on November 30, 2018, 07:16:40 am

Sin or not, the main thing is to be careful so that one doesn't find out about the other one.

As the old toast goes, "To wives and girlfriends: may they never meet".

Jeremy

Author Topic: A touch of humor (Read 324818 times)