You are comparing apples and oranges. Obviously, if you also change the aperture number (as well as focal length) then you'll get yet another/different DOF (or even the same DOF if the specific aperture is available). But following that same 'logic', you can also have a different DOF with one camera when you change the aperture value.
Cheers,
Bart
Let's make it simple:
You have the two following sets of gear:
a) IQ180 + Contax 645 + Contax 80mm f2
b) Leica M240 + Leica 50mm f0.95
These two sets of gear would offer you the same angle of view, hence if you shoot portrait you shoot at the same distance towards the model for the same framing (composition).
When you shoot wide open, you will find set b) offering a much stronger degree of background blur, and the main subject is obviously better separated from the background (aka DoF control).
Conclusion: medium format digital is no match against 35mm format in terms of DoF control.
Changing the aperture value can also require a different exposure time, which may not be possible due to other constraints.
When you shoot with a larger sensor you could bump the ISO higher to compensate the slower aperture and still gets the same SNR when you downsample the image to as if it were shot with a 35mm format. That's why the aperture divided by crop factor is also called the equivalent aperture for low-light SNR (in addition to equivalent aperture for background blur).
Bokeh is more about the 'quality' of defocus blur than the amount of it, and it's usually different in front of the plane of best focus and behind that plane.
I agree that bokeh quality includes CA, onion circles etc which contributes to the smoothness in the transition zones, but here I'm talking about the degree of background blur which is determined by the diameter of circle of confusion.