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Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 235214 times)

sierraman

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #340 on: December 14, 2016, 08:43:24 pm »

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that....2:30am!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #341 on: December 15, 2016, 04:43:11 am »

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.

I converted to a new faith, and we're stoning the bitch in the morning.

Otto Phocus

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #342 on: December 15, 2016, 06:33:08 am »

A priest is attending his church one day.  Later that day a man, obviously drunk comes stumbling into the church.  Weaving and bumping into things, he eventually crashes into one of the confessional booths.

The priest surmises that this man is in need of spiritual guidance and enters his side of the confessional.

But when the man does not say anything, the priest clears his throat and asks, "May I be of assistance to you, my son?"

To which the drunk replies, "I don't know, do you have any paper on your side?"
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Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #343 on: December 19, 2016, 11:16:07 am »

Really gutted today. A good friend of mine spent years going through medical school, working long shifts behind a bar to pay for his studies. Qualified, was finally starting to see the fruits of his labours, money rolling in, beautiful girlfriend etc etc. Stupidly...he has sex with one of his patients and now its all over for him.
Tragic really. A lovely lovely guy and a brilliant Vet.

Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #344 on: December 19, 2016, 03:15:29 pm »

Really gutted today. A good friend of mine spent years going through medical school, working long shifts behind a bar to pay for his studies. Qualified, was finally starting to see the fruits of his labours, money rolling in, beautiful girlfriend etc etc. Stupidly...he has sex with one of his patients and now its all over for him.
Tragic really. A lovely lovely guy and a brilliant Vet.

Ha. I like that.

Jeremy
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Jeremy Roussak

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #345 on: December 19, 2016, 03:16:19 pm »

It's time to remember my uncle Vincent, whose attempt to beat the world scuba-diving endurance record was rudely cut short when he was picked up in a trawler's nets. He was gutted.

Jeremy
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PeterAit

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #346 on: December 19, 2016, 03:47:04 pm »

Really gutted today. A good friend of mine spent years going through medical school, working long shifts behind a bar to pay for his studies. Qualified, was finally starting to see the fruits of his labours, money rolling in, beautiful girlfriend etc etc. Stupidly...he has sex with one of his patients and now its all over for him.
Tragic really. A lovely lovely guy and a brilliant Vet.

The fatal flaw with this one is that a person does not go to medical school to become a vet.
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Peter

"You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts" -- D.P. Moynihan

degrub

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #347 on: December 19, 2016, 04:58:57 pm »

both are schools of medicine.....
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #348 on: December 19, 2016, 05:19:10 pm »

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #349 on: December 19, 2016, 05:21:48 pm »

The fatal flaw with this one is that a person does not go to medical school to become a vet.
I'm going to have to ask a photographer friend who is a Vet. But around here, "people" doctors attend schools generally with the title "School of Medicine", while the other kind attend schools called "School of Veterinary Medicine,"  which sure sounds like a specialist type of "School of Medicine" to me.

Some, of course, also drop out of high school to join the military to become a "vet."
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-Eric Myrvaagnes (visit my website: http://myrvaagnes.com)

Tony Jay

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #350 on: December 19, 2016, 06:16:47 pm »

As a medical doctor I can assure everyone that although we have great respect and even affection for our veterinary counterparts neither groups would want to be deliberately or even inadvertently misidentified as the other.

Whatever official names may be given to the different faculties human doctors in training go to "medical school" and animal doctors in training go to "veterinary school".
If a university happens to have both faculties it is possible that in first year there may be interactions as students do similar courses like physics, chemistry and maths.
After that studies rapidly diverge and generally the geographic locations of the medical school and the veterinary school are far apart. The medical school would usually be attached to a big inner city academic-type hospital while the veterinary school would be located in an area where farming occurs to give veterinary students access to large domesticated animals.

I am pretty sure that someone would know of an exception to this where the medical and veterinary faculties are co-located in the same building on some university campus somewhere in the world but it would be just that - an unusual exception.

Tony Jay
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degrub

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #351 on: December 19, 2016, 07:03:35 pm »

ok, all nits are picked. Time to move on...
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #352 on: December 20, 2016, 09:30:42 am »

ok, all nits are picked. Time to move on...

Is that a nurse's job?

Rob C

degrub

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #353 on: December 20, 2016, 09:36:06 am »

Is that a nurse's job?

Rob C

LOL. we farmed that out to the general 'snapper brigade...... publican economizing you see ?
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eronald

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #354 on: December 20, 2016, 10:45:17 pm »

ok, all nits are picked. Time to move on...

I guess some think it was a lousy joke.

Edmund
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #355 on: December 22, 2016, 03:36:46 am »


No Nativity scene at Westminster this year ...

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the nation's House of Commons this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason - they simply have not been able to find three wise men in there.
 
The search for a Virgin continues...

However, there was no problem finding enough donkeys to fill the stable.

Otto Phocus

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #356 on: December 27, 2016, 06:19:56 am »

The President of the United States, gets up one January morning, and sees, outside the Oval Office, written in the snow with urine, "you suck".

He calls the USSS and FBI and orders a full investigation.

The Director of the FBI reports the results to the President.  "Mr. President, I have some good news and some bad news."

"OK, what's the good news?"

"Sir, we have analyzed the chemical composition of the urine and have determined that it belongs to the Vice President."

"That's the good news?  What's the bad news?"

"Mr. President, it is your wife's handwriting."
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Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #357 on: December 30, 2016, 03:33:54 am »


THE  DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OFFICERS AND NCO'S
A young Army officer  was severely wounded in the head by a grenade, but the  only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were  amputated. Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he  eventually rose to the rank of Major General. He was,however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General  was interviewing three servicemen who were candidates  for his headquarters staff.

         
The first was a Captain, a tactical helicopter pilot, and it was a great interview.  At the end of the interview the General asked him,  'Do you notice anything different about me?'
         
The young officer answered, 'Why, yes, Sir, I couldn't  help but notice that you have no ears.'
         
The general was displeased  with his lack of tact and threw him out.
         
The second  interview was with a Navy Lieutenant, and he was even better.  The General then asked him the same question, 'Do  you notice anything different about me?'
         
He replied  sheepishly, 'Well, sir, you have no ears.' The  General also threw him out.
         
The third interview  was with an old Sergeant Major, an Infantryman and staff-trained  NCO. He was smart, articulate, fit, looked sharp,  and seemed to know more than the two officers combined.  The General liked this guy, and went ahead with the  same question, 'Do you notice anything different about me?'
         
To  his surprise the Sergeant Major said, 'Yes,  sir, you wear contact lenses.'
         
The  General was very  impressed and thought, 'What an incredibly observant  NCO, and he didn't mention my ears.' He asked,  'Sergeant Major, how do you know I wear contacts?'
       
 “Well, sir,'  the soldier replied, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fucking ears.”

 

Chairman Bill

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #358 on: January 03, 2017, 02:16:04 pm »

Thought I'd have a little flutter yesterday so I had a bet on three horses called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times. None of them won. I blame it on the bookie.

Rob C

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Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #359 on: January 05, 2017, 05:34:51 am »

The thing I like best about rumours is all the new stuff that I learn about myself!

Rob C
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