A touch of humor

[Jeremy Roussak]

In a small town in the Australian outback, a new shop opens with "Taxidermist" on the sign over the door. The local lads are confused and a little worried: they don't know what a taxidermist is (and it's pre-internet). So Bruce is deputed to find out, and approaches the stranger, who is sitting with a beer on the porch outside the shop.

"G'day" he says, and gets a friendly response. He starts to chat to the owner, and the conversation goes well. After a while, Bruce plucks up courage.

"So", he says. "What do you do?"
"I'm a taxidermist", pointing to the sign.
"Well, yes", says Bruce. "But what's a taxidermist do?"
"Oh, I stuff animals" says the taxidermist.

Bruce gives a quiet sigh of relief and calls to his mates, who are watching from a safe distance.

"It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

[NancyP]

Re: UK classifieds
At one point, the London Review of Books had hilarious personal ads. Self-deprecation, demonstration of eccentricity, such a relief from the usual US style (a direct comparison would be personal ads in the New York Review of Books - exercises in showing how tasteful one is - unintentionally funny, at least to me). I believe that the LRB compiled the best of the ads and published them in a humor book.

[PeterAit]

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

[rabanito]

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

You did compose it now?
This limerick was quoted in 1924.
So it has traveled much faster than light as well... 

[Jeremy Roussak]

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night

In the version I've known, the last line reads "and arrived back the previous night"; it scans.

Jeremy

[PeterAit]

For cat lovers:

 
A German shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat all die. They find themselves before God who wants to know what they believe.
 
The shepherd says “I believe in complete loyalty and obedience to my master.”
 
“Good,” says God, “you may sit at my right hand. And you?” he asks the Doberman.
 
“I believe in protecting my master and his family at all costs.”
 
“Good,” says God, “you may sit at my left hand. And you, cat, what do you believe?”
 
“I believe you are sitting in my chair.”
 
 

[PeterAit]

Young seminary student to the Bishop: "Is it OK to kiss a nun?"

Bishop: "Yes, as long as you don't get into the habit."

==========================================

Along the same lines:

==========================================

Buddhist to his teacher: "Master, is it OK for a Buddhist to use email?"

Master: "Sure, as long as there are no attachments."

[Jeremy Roussak]

The Dalai Lama goes to a burger stall in New York, and says "Make me one with everything".

Jeremy

[Jeremy Roussak]

The Daily Mash has some very funny stuff. Some of it perhaps a little close to the bone.

Jeremy

[Slobodan Blagojevic]

The Daily Mash has some very funny stuff. Some of it perhaps a little close to the bone.

  Brilliant!

Picking up a big lens, Hollis said: “I don’t even know what this glassy thing does and I could have had two weeks in Ibiza for it.”

Come to think of it, Jeremy, you had your cake and ate it too: you had your “big glassy thing” AND two weeks in Ibiza Japan 

[Jeremy Roussak]

Come to think of it, Jeremy, you had your cake and ate it too: you had your “big glassy thing” AND two weeks in Ibiza Japan 

I had the time in Japan, but sadly the big glassy thing was hired and has had to be returned.

Jeremy

[Ivophoto]

British sports

https://youtu.be/E_6d3JBBo4s

[Slobodan Blagojevic]

The Daily Mash has some very funny stuff. Some of it perhaps a little close to the bone.

In a related story...

[PeterAit]

A woman's parrot has been very ill and is unresponsive. She takes it to the vet, who after a quick examination pronounces the bird dead. The woman does not believe him and asks for more tests.

The vet brings in a Labrador retriever who sniffs the parrot and shows no interest. She is still not convinced so he brings in a cat who also sniffs the bird with no reaction.

Finally convinced, she sighs and asks for the bill. It is $5,000 and she is outraged.

"Well," replies the vet,"if you has accepted my original diagnosis it would have been $20, but you insisted on the lab test and the cat scan."

[Rob C]

A woman's parrot has been very ill and is unresponsive. She takes it to the vet, who after a quick examination pronounces the bird dead. The woman does not believe him and asks for more tests.

The vet brings in a Labrador retriever who sniffs the parrot and shows no interest. She is still not convinced so he brings in a cat who also sniffs the bird with no reaction.

Finally convinced, she sighs and asks for the bill. It is $5,000 and she is outraged.

"Well," replies the vet,"if you has accepted my original diagnosis it would have been $20, but you insisted on the lab test and the cat scan."

Loved that one!

[Eric Myrvaagnes]

Good one, Peter.

[Jeremy Roussak]

This is, I am reliably informed, genuine. It shows, I suppose, that puerile, smutty jokes about foreigners' names are not a new phenomenon; but it's elegantly phrased.

Jeremy

[Jeremy Roussak]

I don't recall where I came across this one. I rather hope it wasn't here.

Jeremy

[Eric Myrvaagnes]

Both good, Jeremy. Especially "Mustapha."

[Frans Waterlander]

One brother to another: "Did you know insomnia runs in our family?". The other brother: "I'm not worried about it and I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over it."