Thought this might bring a smile so close to the bright New Year! Clearly, irony remains an unknown quantity.
"Dear Robert Campbell:
Thank you for contacting Canon product support regarding Windows 8 drivers for your CanoScan FS4000US.
Windows 8 drivers are not available for your FS4000US. I am sorry for any inconvenience that this may cause.
I hope this information is helpful to you. Please let us know if we can be of any further assistance with your CanoScan FS4000US. Thank you for choosing Canon."
(I had similar problems trying to get the HP B9180 connected; initial bad news about compatibility meant no dice, but I eventually discovered a source from whence drivers can be downloaded. At least, the thing is registered in the hard drive - but as I need a new ink, can't test it yet. Perhaps I might have luck with the scanner at some time...)