I would appreciate any C&C on what could be done to improve this image.
Hi Todd,
It's hard to C&C without a bit more context on what you tried to achieve. Therefore, I've made a conversion as I would do it, just based on the source material. It's a Topaz Labs B&W effects conversion, most of the effect coming from adaptive exposure, a slight darkening of the Cyan contribution, and a little bit of toning added.
Cheers,
Bart