Thank you Bartvander for calling my attention to convolution filters. I wonder what sort of parameters would be needed for Unsharp Mask, which I assume is a type of convolution filter.
Anyway, got a not-horrible print on schedule by stacking up three layers of the image with varying degrees of gaussian blur, then picking off bits of the least awful areas with masks. It's sort of graphic looking, but OK for the purpose.
This must come up often in custom printing work, curious how we don't see a lot of specialized processing products pitched to those guys who must face problems like these all the time.