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Author Topic: The Earth  (Read 3278 times)

Rob C

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The Earth
« on: May 02, 2011, 03:55:28 am »

I don’t usually eat oranges. I do drink the juice every day, mainly to wash down the first dose of pills, but my taste is for mandarins which are more delicate and easier to peel without the sticky mess that generally accompanies the former. 

Anyway, I found myself walking around the terrace yesterday, thinking about washing the car and comparing that idea with the one that it may be easier simply to water my wife’s many flowerpots instead. But as I was deliberating that, I was also peeling an orange, mandarins now being out of season. As you know, it’s fairly easy to peel a mandarin in a single piece: you just do it by turning the job into the creation of a coil. However, oranges are not known for this as they cling to the innards for dear life, and so peeling them with the intention of being left with a single piece of skin is quite fraught and likely to leave you with anything but a single bit. However, if instead of a coil you approach the task with the intention of forming a water lily, it’s much simpler and success is often quite likely.

That became my Eureka! moment. Had you realised that, peeled away from the top, in many parts, the peel can then be induced to lie flat? For years I, too, had scoffed at members of the Flat Earth Society; Mercator notwithstanding, I suddenly realised that the Ancients had been right all along. The flattened orange peel is the authentic take: if you consider the current world problems caused by tectonic plates, if you can think at all, it becomes obvious that what we are dealing with today is the phenomenon of a flat earth inside trying to do the natural thing and get out! How confidently we have ignored the bleedin’ obvious.

In the evenings I don’t use orange juice to wash down the nocturnal pills, I use agua con gas which is kinder to the system and doesn’t encourage heartburn.

Rob C

David Sutton

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2011, 05:57:23 am »

You haven't taken this far enough Rob. What does it take for a human being to be induced to lie flat? In my case, not very much, but I don't want to go there in public.
Have you considered that many of the current world problems are caused by the flat human inside trying to do the natural thing and get out? As one gets older it becomes quite clear.
How many times have you gotten into trouble by ignoring the flat Rob inside, and gone running around to your detriment? Certainly I find myself paying much more attention lately to the flat David inside, and am better for it.
Stay away from pills with containing calcium.
David S
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ChrisS

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2011, 08:27:00 am »

Did this a couple of weeks ago. Not sure that it adds anything, though.
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Rob C

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2011, 09:22:39 am »

Well, yes, Chris, there is a sort of nascent equator making itself felt, as well, I note, as a secondary, non-polar, longitudinal line.

I'm afraid that the flat David might be terribly similar to the flat Rob; I'd stay away from both, were I you... I do my best with the latter, but he keeps on surprising me with conversation about life in the holistic mode, when all I really care about is winning the lottery again, but this time with more than the price of a cup of coffee as prize. Were that to happen (if this hasn't jinxed it yet) I'd get that super-duper hard-top convertible from that nice Mercedes family and do some touring of the top hotels in Europe, buying fresh clothes as I need them (tiny trunk), singing (sort-of) in the shower ever morning after breakfast (it has to be after, because were I to try it before, then I'd probably step on the soap, were I to use soap, which I have long eschewed in favour of bottles of the liquid varieties. But you never can tell what a hotel might offer you in the bathroom.).

All in all, things could only get brighter.

Rob C

Rob C

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2011, 09:27:45 am »

You haven't taken this far enough Rob. What does it take for a human being to be induced to lie flat? In my case, not very much, but I don't want to go there in public.
Have you considered that many of the current world problems are caused by the flat human inside trying to do the natural thing and get out? As one gets older it becomes quite clear.
How many times have you gotten into trouble by ignoring the flat Rob inside, and gone running around to your detriment? Certainly I find myself paying much more attention lately to the flat David inside, and am better for it.
Stay away from pills with containing calcium.David S


And in most cases, avoid beta-blockers like the plague: they'll lay you flat and southwards looking every time. But you'll never need feign a headache again.

;-(

Rob C

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2011, 12:01:57 pm »

For the past twenty years or so I have noticed a disappointing tendency in my own body to move closer to a round state.
Since January I have been trying to recover the flat person within. Down about twenty ponds so far, with at least another twenty to go.

Thanks for the inspiration, Rob.

Eric

P.S. Here's the "u" that fell out of "ponds," which was supposed to be "pounds." Not much depth to plum here, Rob.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2011, 04:58:43 pm by Eric Myrvaagnes »
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Rob C

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2011, 02:51:52 pm »

For the past twenty years or so I have noticed a disappointing tendency in my own body to move closer to a round state.
Since January I have been trying to recover the flat person within. Down about twenty ponds so far, with at least another twenty to go.

Thanks for the inspiration, Rob.

Eric


Don't mention it, Eric, always happy to oblige!

The secret to staying slim - okay then, thin - is to worry a lot. That I never needed to fake, headaches or not. Frankly, I'd rather be a bit fatter and a hell of a lot less stressed out. I never needed a reason for being stresed out; it just was thus. And still is. But I never owned a pond, never mind plumbed the depths of twenty.

Rob C
« Last Edit: May 02, 2011, 02:55:00 pm by Rob C »
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Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2011, 04:59:19 pm »

Oops. See amended post (above).
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Rob C

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2011, 03:36:20 am »

Oops. See amended post (above).


Thank God nobody bothers to check my own spelling! I've got some spelling aid in the computer that functions when I write letters, but it doesn't seem to work with this section of life; my wife became quite used to hearing a word called out from the office, totally without context. She simply answered by spelling it out. Miss her. My daughter gave me a cd that I then fed into the computer and so I have a convenient, built-in dictionary now that eliminates the need to get up to find a paper one. Trouble with dictionaries, though, you have to know how to spell the word in order to find it and lay your fears. A brilliant wife always knew the answer even whilst reading a book.

;-)

Rob C

wolfnowl

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2011, 03:07:28 pm »

Rob:  You might appreciate this (being the Coffee Corner and all)  ;)

Mike.

Owed to the Spell Checker

 I have a spelling checker 
 It came with my PC.
 It plane lee marks four my revue
 Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

 Eye ran this poem threw it,
 Your sure reel glad two no.
 Its vary polished in it's weigh,
 My checker tolled me sew.

 A checker is a bless sing,
 It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
 It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
 And aides me when aye rime.

 To rite with care is quite a feet
 Of witch won should be proud.
 And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
 Sew flaws are knot aloud.

 And now bee cause my spelling
 Is checked with such grate flare,
 Their are know faults with in my cite,
 Of nun eye am a wear.

 Each frays come posed up on my screen
 Eye trussed to bee a joule
 The checker poured o'er every word
 To cheque sum spelling rule.

 That's why aye brake in two averse
 By righting wants too pleas.
 Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays
 Such soft wear for pea seas!


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If your mind is attuned t

Rob C

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2011, 03:25:57 am »

Obviously the credit line's a fake: it was old Willie Shakespeare wot wrote it, as everybody is aware.

Just another sign of colonial treachery! That damned Plymouth Rock has a lot of symbolism for which to answer; no wonder they stopped making them.

Well, it is 09:24hrs here and I've only had two mugs of tea.

Rob C

Eric Myrvaagnes

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Re: The Earth
« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2011, 11:46:18 am »

Correction: The third line of the second stanza should have "inn", not "in."

Howe cud yore spell checquer possibly miss that?
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