Carolyn, my heart bleeds for you. I sweated the same sweat some years ago, thought I understood it in the end, and was able to get b/w prints to match the screen pretty well. (Fortunately, I love b/w more than colour for prints.)
I ended up with a LaCie 319 which I am using right now, and it seems pretty nice, but that's subjective because the only other decent monitor I ever had was a Mitsubishi CRT which I also loved; an earlier one was bundled with an old Mac my daughter gave me, and then I had an HP laptop.
But, having the screen colours match the print colours, you need to have much more information to hand and end up in the world of paper profiles etc. that can (did) send some of us mad. Shame flowers don't look that great in b/w... Then there seem to be problems with different brands of ink. A friend uses Epson printers/inks for his work and he gets great reds; I use an HP B9180 which gives (me) great b/w, as I mentioned, but lousy reds. I can never get the brilliance and it ends up a sort of terracotta look, which would be great were I shooting tiles. And yes, I know that a pic seen via transmitted ligh is much brighter than one seen via reflected light.
In short, I came, reluctantly, to accept a compromise. Which translates: I avoid red in the shots I expect I might want to print.
Others will tell you WTSIWTG, but I wonder (always allowing for the possibility that I'm just not cut out for this side of the business at all).
Buena suerte
Rob C