Here we go again :-)
From what I understand, the best for me would be to set the monitor to the best possible paper independent state.
if I understand you correctly "paper indepent" means a state, where the monitor matches paper white visually but without further tweaking of color saturation (either in the monitor hardware - actually not recommended unless you really know what you are doing - or on a color layer in Photoshop).
If so: yes, that's fine.
This should be where I can get the lowest DeltaE. Only, the next step involves soft proofing and print to paper match, right?
From here on it's up to you... the thread is full of talk about the visual match of monitor and paper white and Andrew ("digitaldog") and I agree basically on most things - except for the white reference.
Andrew suggests to calibrate to a paper white with softproof enabled (and paper simultion activated) whereas I suggest to calibrate to paper white with softproof disabled (so if you want so, to calibrate for an average white or your preferred paper ... or, if you can get one, for the white of a proof paper). Consequently I do not enable SPC when softproofing - I only enable "simulate black ink".
So Andrew's display is probably a bit more accurate for that one particular paper with SPC enabled but off for anything else.
My display is neutral to the ambient light I am working under (all D50 here) ... but the white point of some particular papers might be a bit colder or a bit warmer in some cases. In my case they all match quite fine as long as we talk about coated offset printing papers and the range of photographic papers I am using. If I'd also use papers with warmer tones I'd probably simply make a second monitor profile for those...
Both ways will work fine - your choice ;-)