I am a little bit puzzled as to why this is such a problem.
I have been printing B/W photographs for the last three years using an Epson R2400, always using the ABW, and using the Harman gloss FB paper mostly - before that the Innova USG. My monitor is a pretty basic Philips 19 inch panel, profiled using Spyder 2. My prints always match what I see on my display to my satisfaction - I never get any nasty surprises, my highlight and shadow areas match up just fine. And after years in the wet darkroom, I am pretty sensitive to variations in brightness and contrast. I have never felt any need for soft-proofing in the ABW mode at all. So I would feel that if there is any significant difference between your print and the display in terms of luminance values, you should sort out your monitor profile and your paper profiles first. As for the ABW tint (if you use that for toning) there is no way to soft-proof that other than by doing a small workprint (say A6) which only takes a minute or so. And once you have your favourite ABW tints (such as h2 v10) worked out you can incorporate them into a Lightroom template and just use them as required. Once I got them set up for the paper types I use I have never changed them anyhow.
John