For me, it does work.
1) I like the vignetting. In fact, I might add some to the bottom right of the shot. It actually does more than just frame the sunset- it shapes it.
2) The horizon deserves a second look by the viewer: at first glance, I saw center positioning, defining a mirror: the oblique lines in the sky reflect those of the cut grain. But when I started to look a bit more, I realized that the vignetting of the sunset in effect pushes the top of the image down, creating a 1/3, 2/3 relationship- very sophisticated.
3) Leave the omega- I'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere