Hi Ed,
It doesn't work for me either. I know that each time I compose, I ask myself the question "Ok, now what is the subject of that picture?", with the understanding that "the landscape" is not an acceptable answer. So where should the eye lead? To the pond in the forground? or the water projections on the right? or the sky? There's no real clue to that in the picture you've taken.
I believe you when you say the scene was dramatic... but precisely your picture isn't. No "drama" in the composition, the colours or the contrast. It won't "seep through" by osmosis, from the subject to the photography: You have to work to put it there in the composition, the color contrasts, the light.
Have you tried reframing using the rule of thirds? As cliché as it is (no pun intended), it's usually an easy step to strengthen pictures.