thanks. that explains why I never see the IR beam working.
manual it must be then though I can't for the life of me see why there isn't a Cfn. option in the flash (or camera) for disabling auto-fill, under A or P. much easier.
It's not auto fill really. The way Canon wizardry works is that if the flash thinks you need fill, it will fill, and if the scene is too dark, it will expose for the subject. You see, you're fighting it like we probably all did, and sure, it's not intuitive because you want to "control" the flash. Well, you can. If the camera is saying "fill" you simply dial up the Flash Compensation in thirds until you get the light you want.
But you're confusing the flash with aperture/shutter modes. Let's take the aperture and shutter modes independent of the flash. In both cases, the camera will either try to adjust the aperture or the shutter to get a correct exposure. This has NOTHING to do with flash. The same thing happens with or without a flash installed.
Enter Canon flash. Canon flashes will fire for fill flash when they think you need fill, or they will expose for the subject in very dim light, or whenever they think there isn't sufficient ambient light. Sounds too automatic right? Well, it is unless you change your thinking abut how to use Canon flash guns. This is where you do your thing using the FEC dial on the back of the unit. You can force it to give you a subject flash, no matter what the lighting, by dialing the flash up with the FEC dial.
Now I think if you adjust the camera to whatever manual setting you want, let's say f2.8@1/125th at ISO 800, leave the flash in it's ETTL full auto mode and REAR curtain synch and see what you get. If you want more light, dial up the FEC, less, dial it down. Go into a dimly lit room and rip off some practice shots of an object. Using a Canon flash is really easy once you get over trying to force it. By messing with it for 30 minutes you'll have the feel down. Please write back with what you find.