Rob, unfairly calling someone an asshole is not exactly good manners. Perhaps an apology to Ms. Asshole is in order?
Dear Ms A,
I apologise for putting you in the same sentence as the word asshole
when, clearly, that job description resides with the art director who, unsure of the function of the 'ottoman', put you into such an incriminating and undignified situation. I know perfectly well that you would never, in real life, even think
of putting your boots, clean, dirty or even just polished onto any form of fabric that might, just might, suffer consequential damage and/or contamination by shoe polish, street dirt, dog dirt or even - assuming this isn't Singapore - chewing gum. That such contamination might possible affect another person's wellbeing would obviously be foremost in your mind, as surely it was in mine.
Personally, I really love ladies with long hair, but there you are, takes all sorts to make up this wonderful meld of humanity of which I'm sometimes happy to be part. Reminds me of the 60s when the Beatles and the Stones 'liberated' us males from the tyranny of the short-back-and-sides; I remember hearing a person in a shop remark to another: you can't tell the men from the women these days! What an idiot! I never had any such problems: I just went to a model agency and they sorted it all out quite quickly and my clients were never disappointed or unduly surprised with the 'talent', as it's called these days.
So again, I'm sorry for the confusion I must have caused!
I kneel at your feet, head bowed and remorse filling my lungs with despair.