They're not the perfect family, they're the perfect ill mannered, junk food loving, bucket slurping, KFC family, cast to attract other ill mannered, junk food loving, bucket slurping, KFC families.
Deep breaths, Rob.
Deep breaths, the man says, deep breaths! I'm facing the eye hospital tomorrow at 9.30; the community gardener seems to have left us with a friggin' jungle; the Internet deal I struck with Telefonica that was to give me WiFi, more free Spanish tv channels (I don't watch any, most of the time) and other goodies more than I was getting under my existing contract turns out, over the time I've had it, to be ten euros a month more expensive, when I'd only changed over because I was told it was going to save
me a lot of money each month!!!! Tomorrow, if I'm still sane after the eye-doc, I shall face another battle, in their shop, with Telefonica. Guess who won't win!
Adding insult to injury, the guy who fitted the WiFi on Telefonica's behalf was so bad that I ended up paying a private firm just under two hundred euros to sort it all out!
On today's invoice from Telefonica, I see that the fine print offers me up
to 6Mb of Internet speed; using speedtest.net I see I'm really getting 3.83 of the damned things! I don't expect to win that one, either.
Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breas... sweet, deep dreams!
P.S. More deeeep breaths.
Set off for the hospital this morning, concerned at the lack of traffic which made me think that unemployment on the island must be really, really bad. The carpark was fairly empty, and then I found the restaurant was closed, as was Reception. I sat down and pondered, pulled out the cellphone and looked at the date: wrong effin’ day! The appointment’s tomorrow.
On getting home, fears of Alzheimer’s etc. storming through my brain as I drove, I had an instant check of the calendar: yep, red days, blue days, black days, saints for every day of the week and Moons. Moons, don’t mention the Moons! There are so many of them it must be a product designed for astronomers. However, the day was still the wrong day.
Ironic, that having designed, shot and produced so many calendars, I end up with a nightmare freebie from the grocer…
Oh well, my reward must be waiting for me somewhere.