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Author Topic: Creepy Situation: Need Advice  (Read 3093 times)

JoeKitchen

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Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« on: February 24, 2017, 07:57:31 PM »

I am posting this on behalf of my fiancée who does not post on this forum and I am not sure where exactly to post this.  I hope this is the right sub-forum. 

Like myself, my fiancée is a commercial photographer with a website that contains all her business contact information and a short bio with an avatar.  She is a food and beverage photographer and does not shoot anything else; this is very apparent if you visit her website. 

About three weeks ago, she received a phone call from a random man who said he was trying to have boudoir & erotic photography taken of himself as a gift for his wife.  He specifically stated that he needed a female photographer for this since he did not feel comfortable being naked in front of another man and was looking for a woman in the NYC area for this need.  My fiancée quickly declined and hung up on him.  We joked about it afterwards and thought nothing of it. 

Tonight, she received a missed call with no voicemail.  About 20 minutes after the call was missed, she called the number back and it was this same man.  She quickly explained that he had spoken to her before and that she declined him then and was still was not interested.  Upon hearing this, he replied that he now remembered they had spoken and "by the way, you are very pretty." 

This transaction was too fast for him to have looked her up online, which means he either studied her picture enough where he remembers what she looks like with only needing to hear her name or had her website up at the time she called back.  Either way, not very reassuring. 

Neither of us know if we should treat this as a benign situation or actually be concerned.  She does not recognize the voice nor has had any other situations arise in the last few months that could be related to this. 

The area code is from CT and we are thinking about reporting it to the police in CT.  Would this be an appropriate course of action? 
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Joe Kitchen
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"Photography is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent moving furniture."  Arnold Newman
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degrub

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2017, 09:06:32 PM »

i would talk with your local police first. See if filing a report makes any sense to document this in case it goes further. They can at least explain what the process would be. Write down, with dates and times, what can be remembered and file it for your records if nothing else. If it keeps happening, then maybe they will do something. Or you can block the number.   
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Patricia Sheley

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2017, 11:05:27 PM »

Hi Joe~
message sent.
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A common woman~

JoeKitchen

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2017, 12:09:39 AM »

Thanks all. 

Right now our concern is not so much for us, but others.  I don't think this is directly targeted at her. 

This person gives off a wrong vibe and seems to be looking for someone whom he can take advantage of.  I am fearful for the woman who actually takes him up on his proposition. 

Seriously, what kind of person is uncomfortable naked in front of someone of the same sex and mentions that in the first 30 seconds of a conversation?  I find it to be quite the opposite.  Not to mention, who randomly tells someone over the phone they are very pretty? 
« Last Edit: February 25, 2017, 12:12:45 AM by JoeKitchen »
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Joe Kitchen
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"Photography is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent moving furniture."  Arnold Newman
“Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”  William Faulkner

razrblck

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2017, 04:05:21 AM »

That is absolutely creepy and I stand by the suggestions posted here! Report it and ask for advice, if it keeps going the police will have to do something. Hopefully for your peace of mind it will end here, but it is possible as you say that this guy will hit on other unsuspecting women until someone falls in the frap. Reporting it will help in this case as well, the more reports there are, the more police will be on the lookout for that guy.

Boudoir is indeed erotic, but doesn't have to be necessarily nude. I have shot it before and it was a fun experience, my model was never naked and always wore panties of some kind, full corset or bra. The naked comment paired with the unsolicited compliment about her appearance (which has nothing to do with her skills) is creepy to the 11.
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Rob C

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2017, 05:12:52 AM »

Telephone calls from unknown sad folks are not rare; we got one in the middle of the night during our time in Scotland. The guy was answered by my wife, and she quickly handed the receiver to me. l listened for a while, then told the guy he was truly a sad sack of shit, and hung up. He didn't call back.

Pest calls are common here in Spain; I now have a list of such numbers that I keep beside my 'phone and as a consequence, unless I recognize the numbers calling me, I never pick up. If they are new, I dial the numbers on Google and usually there's a history. In the main, I think they are just folks trying to sell subscriptions, but some are listed as malicious.

In your case, I think I'd notify the fuzz just to make that initial registration; it may be very good to know you have taken that first step. However, in general, I would not reply to calls that have no positive means of identification - after all, a genuine person wants you to know who he/she is and be able to contact him or her.

BrownBear

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2017, 07:01:20 AM »

...she received a phone call from a random man who said he was trying to have boudoir & erotic photography taken of himself as a gift for his wife.  He specifically stated that he needed a female photographer for this since he did not feel comfortable being naked in front of another man and was looking for a woman in the NYC area for this need.  My fiancée quickly declined and hung up on him.  We joked about it afterwards and thought nothing of it. 

Tonight, she received a missed call with no voicemail.  About 20 minutes after the call was missed, she called the number back and it was this same man.  She quickly explained that he had spoken to her before and that she declined him then and was still was not interested.  Upon hearing this, he replied that he now remembered they had spoken and "by the way, you are very pretty."  .....The area code is from CT and we are thinking about reporting it to the police in CT.  Would this be an appropriate course of action?

My wife used to get the same calls several times a year in her portrait studio.  Even creepier were the guys who actually stopped in, usually near closing time late in the day. You might have difficulty locating the right agency in CT for reporting, but it's certainly worth tracking that down. I'd also report it to your local police.  My wife was always able to capture the phone number and pass it along to the local force, but our parking lot was lighted and she passed along license number and vehicle description of the visitors, while she also locked to the doors and waited for the police to arrive and investigate before venturing outside in the dark.
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BrownBear

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2017, 07:49:22 AM »

I just had an unsettling thought.

Not to be a complete alarmist, but that could easily be a local call made with a CT cell phone. I'd pursue it vigorously with your local PD.
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BrownBear

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2017, 12:13:56 PM »

I just thought of a fun response:  Your wife should lie through her teeth.

"We'll have to schedule your shoot around my husband's work schedule as a police detective. He has to be present for all my nude shoots."   :o
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Patricia Sheley

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2017, 07:41:42 AM »

You'd be forewarned and forearmed and at least aware of how deeply serious this can become, fast, if you find a way to take an hour to watch the 48 Hours segment which CBS aired last night. Covers a good many current cases  based on this issue and makes me appreciate even more the way my situation was handled. Just take the time to see that your fiancee's bases are covered. It's more than worth the small investment of your time...
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tcphoto1

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2017, 02:46:38 PM »

You cannot take it lightly, you need to contact your local authorities and tell them what has happened. I would not want any of the women in my life subjected to this behavior and would take steps to protect them.
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Colorado David

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2017, 11:53:38 AM »

Just as a matter of course, I never return unknown missed calls. I am convinced that now days, most missed calls are call-back bait. Be vigilant. Always be aware of your surroundings. There was an incident here a few weeks ago where two photographers were loading gear in their car at 4:00 a.m. to go to a sunrise shoot. A car pulled up to ask for directions and it turned out to be an armed robbery. The photographers lost their gear, wallets, and pocket money. Always, always pay close attention to your surroundings. Have a plan to defend yourself from anyone who approaches. It's sad that we have to be like this, but it is the way it is. If a caller says something that makes you uncomfortable, there is a reason. Pay attention to your intuition.

Colorado David

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #12 on: February 27, 2017, 12:12:32 PM »

This situation is not limited to women. Some time ago I had a caller inquire if I would shoot lesbian romance. I replied that I did mostly corporate communication. Recently I've received a bunch of Facebook friend requests from unknown (and likely fictitious) women. A colleague of mine has named them fembots. They all share common characteristics: they have few friends, but one of their friends is likely to be someone on your friend list, their photograph is usually provocative and scantily clad, and their bio is somewhat suggestive. I delete them all.

I don't mean to broaden the original post topic.  I just want to suggest that we live in unusual times and need to be cautious of unsolicited contacts. I know that seems unusual considering that many of us depend on online media to advertise our professional services.

Rob C

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2017, 02:11:24 PM »

This situation is not limited to women. Some time ago I had a caller inquire if I would shoot lesbian romance. I replied that I did mostly corporate communication. Recently I've received a bunch of Facebook friend requests from unknown (and likely fictitious) women. A colleague of mine has named them fembots. They all share common characteristics: they have few friends, but one of their friends is likely to be someone on your friend list, their photograph is usually provocative and scantily clad, and their bio is somewhat suggestive. I delete them all.

I don't mean to broaden the original post topic.  I just want to suggest that we live in unusual times and need to be cautious of unsolicited contacts. I know that seems unusual considering that many of us depend on online media to advertise our professional services.


Too true! Even people one knows can be working a hidden agenda. You just have to live in a community - as distinct from living in a separate and independent house, to find that out; most of all it becomes evident at AGM meetings and in the way people usually vote within cliques. Quite makes me sick.

Rob

SZRitter

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2017, 11:58:14 AM »

This situation is not limited to women. Some time ago I had a caller inquire if I would shoot lesbian romance. I replied that I did mostly corporate communication. Recently I've received a bunch of Facebook friend requests from unknown (and likely fictitious) women. A colleague of mine has named them fembots. They all share common characteristics: they have few friends, but one of their friends is likely to be someone on your friend list, their photograph is usually provocative and scantily clad, and their bio is somewhat suggestive. I delete them all.

Those are usually bots/fake profiles created for phishing/hacking/scamming purposes. Just delete the friend request and move on. Maybe smack your friend who accepted the request for being an idiot...
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Harold Clark

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #15 on: March 03, 2017, 09:57:15 AM »

Another advantage to reporting the incident is that this guy may already be on police radar and your information will help build a case.

I live near a small rural town, and the police report in the local paper is for the most part entertaining; a case of beer stolen from a construction site, report of a man yelling at an elderly woman ( she was deaf and they were conversing ) and a headless deer reported standing on an off ramp which officers were unable to locate. For the more serious incidents however, almost invariably the suspect is in breach of probation or already " known to police ". Therefore this is unlikely to be his first foray into this type of activity.
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MattBurt

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2017, 10:29:57 AM »

This situation is not limited to women. Some time ago I had a caller inquire if I would shoot lesbian romance. I replied that I did mostly corporate communication. Recently I've received a bunch of Facebook friend requests from unknown (and likely fictitious) women. A colleague of mine has named them fembots. They all share common characteristics: they have few friends, but one of their friends is likely to be someone on your friend list, their photograph is usually provocative and scantily clad, and their bio is somewhat suggestive. I delete them all.

I don't mean to broaden the original post topic.  I just want to suggest that we live in unusual times and need to be cautious of unsolicited contacts. I know that seems unusual considering that many of us depend on online media to advertise our professional services.

For a while there I was getting several of those friend requests a day. They seem to have slowed down in recent weeks. Usually very easy to spot.

As for the OP it doesn't sound like any laws have been broken but that is creepy as hell. It sure wouldn't hurt to report it just in case is is a known creep or they become one later. Good luck!
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JJon

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #17 on: March 16, 2017, 03:12:20 AM »

If you join any FB boudoir groups you will find this is not uncommon.

(Holy crap this post verification is annoying - 3 questions? I guess I haven't posted much)
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Deardorff

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Re: Creepy Situation: Need Advice
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2017, 12:11:18 PM »

Why not just hit the phone feature that reports the call to the phone company? After three calls from the number they shut him off as harassing.
Why get cops involved when nothing has happened?
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