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Author Topic: Some Light Relief  (Read 1608 times)

Rob C

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Some Light Relief
« on: March 15, 2016, 03:50:38 pm »

Rob C

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Re: Some Light Relief
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2016, 05:31:54 am »

 "Headache."

 The Doctor said:

 "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

 Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."

The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see -- you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve." Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.

As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "Could use new shoes?"

Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E."

Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see -- size 36."

Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head. "You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

RSL

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Re: Some Light Relief
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2016, 05:38:30 pm »

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Russ Lewis  www.russ-lewis.com.

Rob C

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Re: Some Light Relief
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2016, 06:11:09 pm »

That song brings back a lot of memories. See http://www.russ-lewis.com/asia/Paddy/paddyliving.html.


Happy days! In a dark manner.

The song reminds me of my last employment before I flew solo - as it were. I recall walking down the street near Glasgow's Charing Cross (see - London? we had one too) with a couple of guys who worked for the same studio as did I... the song was big, in our heads and on our not-very-good lips! The women on their lunch-breaks looked good, though. Guess it was the fashions...

Rob

Rob C

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Re: Some Light Relief
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2016, 06:28:59 pm »

How many movies can you name in this set?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQgftmOeK_c


And another for Russ:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmZ67LwU2lw
« Last Edit: March 22, 2016, 06:50:30 pm by Rob C »
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RSL

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Re: Some Light Relief
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2016, 09:48:48 am »

Thanks, Rob. But movies make war sound a lot more exciting than it actually is. It's more like what Churchill said about flying: "Hours and hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of sheer terror." Actually, I'd extend the periods of boredom to days and weeks instead of hours.
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