Interesting question, Richard. It's good to know there are some other film-and-phenidone Luddites here in digi-land!
I shoot a lot of MF film, nearly all B&W, and I've tried just about any one you could name. I think any rational photographer should be able to do any job from a stable of 3 or 4 films, so I have tried to simplify and stop my ceaseless tinkering! My favorite films, by speed category, shake out like this:
Medium speed: Plus-X (good), FP-4 (awesome), Delta 100/TMX 100 (excellent.)
Faster speed: HP5+, Tri-X, Delta 400, +/- TMY 400; Delta 3200 (exceptional, rated at 1600)
Specialty/niche: Efke 25/50; MacoORT25c just for kicks
I develop them all in Xtol from 1+0 down to about 1+2 depending on film and subject matter, then scan on a Nikon 8000 and print digitally on a variety of fine-art matte papers on the Epson 4000. In this sense my answer won't be completely relevant to you, since you are wet printing on silver gelatin.
I like the rich creamy tonal scale I get from the conventional films, and the cool crisp rendering of detail and fine grain from the T-grain films. Like you I find the T-grain films to have a less desirable tone range, in the way you describe, but this is not objectionable for the right subject matter and lighting. I'd go digital on my Contax if I could afford a back, just for the workflow, but I dearly love the texture and feel of B&W film.
I have used a lot of different developers but keep coming back to Xtol for its great balance between acutance, fine grain, and tonality. I think if I were wet-printing on silver gelatin I'd lean more towards staining developers like PMK Pyro or Pyrocat HD, but the stain confers less of an advantage, if any at all, when the negatives are scanned.
Hope this has helped some.