Pages: 1 ... 27 28 [29] 30   Go Down

Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 107827 times)

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #560 on: January 04, 2018, 03:08:27 PM »

How would we call that, National Rolleiflex (or Hasselblad) Gallery?

From the perspective of honouring our roots, rather than our favourites, I think we might settle for National 6x6 Gallery and keep both happy (and the young civilians guessing!).

;-)

Peter McLennan

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2339
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #561 on: January 04, 2018, 03:30:52 PM »



Logged

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #562 on: January 05, 2018, 07:37:58 AM »

Numbers will never be the same again!

Slobodan Blagojevic

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10312
  • When everybody thinks the same... nobody thinks.
    • My website
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #563 on: January 08, 2018, 11:37:07 PM »

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said “OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?” The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!!

No, think of another wish!” The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say, ‘nothing’ . . . know how to make them truly happy . . .”

The genie said, “You want that bridge with two lanes or four?”
Logged

pegelli

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1421
    • http://pegelli.smugmug.com/
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #564 on: January 09, 2018, 07:24:04 AM »

Getting older, and how to make something clear to an older person "gently"

A man of 88 visits his doctor for a yearly check-up
The doctor asks how he feels
The man says: "I feel great, my girlfriend is 18, pregnant and expecting my baby, not bad ...."
 
The doctor thinks and responds: "Let me tell you a story
I know a hunter who never passed a day in his life in which he didn't go out for a shoot
But one day he mistakenly put his umbrella over his shoulder instead of his gun
Walking through the woods suddenly a bear stood in front of him
He grabbed the umbrella, aimed and ...... PANG ! the bear dropped dead on the ground"

The old man started laughing, that's impossible, there must have been another hunter behind him who shot the bear.

The doctor looked at the man seriously and said: "That is exactly what I meant"
 

Logged
pieter, aka pegelli

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #565 on: January 11, 2018, 03:25:40 AM »

There is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house. Thus is due to its powerful hind legs, and the fact that the average house cannot jump at all.

Rob

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #566 on: January 13, 2018, 09:57:32 AM »

Those fabulous States:

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #567 on: January 14, 2018, 05:10:54 AM »

More fabulous states:

Louisiana


A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Slobodan Blagojevic

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10312
  • When everybody thinks the same... nobody thinks.
    • My website
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #568 on: January 14, 2018, 11:18:35 AM »

C’mon Rob, you are treating the U.S. states as some shithole countries! 😀
Logged

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #569 on: January 14, 2018, 02:16:01 PM »

C’mon Rob, you are treating the U.S. states as some shithole countries! 😀

;-)

Don't sweat: there's probably a list of them to come! Okay - here's another, then, if you grow impatient:

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

Eric Myrvaagnes

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 13934
  • http://myrvaagnes.com
    • http://myrvaagnes.com
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #570 on: January 14, 2018, 02:44:10 PM »

C’mon Rob, you are treating the U.S. states as some shithole countries! 😀
I'm fine with these so far, as long as he avoids the New England states.   8)
Logged
-Eric Myrvaagnes (visit my website: http://myrvaagnes.com)

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #571 on: January 14, 2018, 03:22:09 PM »

I'm fine with these so far, as long as he avoids the New England states.   8)


But you have to admit, Eric, that some of those states are as big as some countries!

:-)

PeterAit

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2687
    • Peter Aitken Photographs
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #572 on: January 14, 2018, 04:12:45 PM »

Doctor says to his patient: "You are in great health for a man of 80 years. Too bad you are only 40."
Logged
Peter
"Photographic technique should always be a means to an end and never the end itself."

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #573 on: January 15, 2018, 05:33:01 AM »

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

Kevin Gallagher

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Online Online
  • Posts: 537
    • http://
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #574 on: January 15, 2018, 09:46:12 AM »

Here's one!
Logged

petermfiore

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1341
    • Peter Fiore Fine Art
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #575 on: January 15, 2018, 11:05:06 AM »

Here's one!
Kevin,
I guess that depends on what dimension your in...It does say rarely, after all.


Peter

Otto Phocus

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 631
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #576 on: January 15, 2018, 03:02:02 PM »

Logged
I shoot with a Camera Obscura with an optical device attached that refracts and transmits light.

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #577 on: January 17, 2018, 12:54:47 PM »

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 17397
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #578 on: January 19, 2018, 11:37:14 AM »

Okay, thanks for your patience and held tempers - here's the last one in the series:

Florida

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign on that pole in front of you.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”


Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.

 

kikashi

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6426
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #579 on: January 19, 2018, 01:56:22 PM »

Okay, thanks for your patience and held tempers - here's the last one in the series:

Florida

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign on that pole in front of you.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”


Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.

Reminds me of the time I came back to my car to find a note on it reading "Parking fine". Which was nice.

Jeremy
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 27 28 [29] 30   Go Up