A man walks into a Scottish library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hae enny books on suicide?' She stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Bugger off, ye'll no bring it back.
(Probably an old joke for the UK readers. It takes a while to reach the colonies. When I was ten, we had elderly neighbours who had emigrated to Canada from Glasgow. The man also had a slight speech impediment, according to my mother. Occasionally, he and I would find ourselves face to face, and he would try to talk to me. I don't think I ever understood a word he said. I just nodded my head, and he likely thought I was simple).