Pages: 1 ... 22 23 [24] 25 26 27   Go Down

Author Topic: A touch of humor  (Read 96274 times)

JNB_Rare

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 350
    • JNB54
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #460 on: March 16, 2017, 02:44:04 PM »

I was musing about the life choices one makes, and had asked myself what I'd do now, given my time and chances over again. I sort of concluded that I'd still enjoy a life in images, but rather than photographic stills, which though I believe can be an art, has had - I guess - its commercial day. Now, I'd try to become a producer of tv content. I'd look at the opportunites of that as maker of short features or series.

Rob

An appealing thought, but scary too, considering how challenging I've found it to create good stills. I'd be afraid of making something as interesting as a super-8 travel film with waving family in front  of tourist monuments. The video buttons on my recent cameras have all been reprogrammed to something else. But, who knows? I've learned to use the "Ken Burns" effect for the few times I've put together slide shows with sound.

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16849
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #461 on: March 17, 2017, 06:07:41 PM »



  The Pensioners Prenuptial Agreement

             

  An elderly couple reaching their late 70s are about to get married but before they say their vows, the woman wanted to talk.

  She said: "I want to keep my house."
  He said: "That's fine with me."
  She said: "I want to keep my car."
  He said: "That's fine with me."
  She said: "And I want to have sex 6 times a week."
  He said: "Put me down for Fridays."

         

     

 

 

PeterAit

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2667
    • Peter Aitken Photographs
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #462 on: March 21, 2017, 09:10:45 AM »

Apologies if I posted this one already.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to see their pastor for advice about their marital problems. Mrs. Smith talked a mile a minute describing the situation, while Mr. Smith sat with a dour face. After a while, the pastor held up his hand to stop the talk, walked over to Mrs. Smith, stood her up, and gave her a long and passionate hug and kiss. “Mr. Smith,” the pastor said, “your wife needs this once a week, it will solve all your problems.” Mr. Smith thought for a moment and then said “Thanks, pastor. I will have her here at 10:00 AM every Tuesday.”
Logged
Peter
"Photographic technique should always be a means to an end and never the end itself."

drmike

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 747
    • On Flickr:
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #463 on: March 22, 2017, 04:00:03 AM »

Medical man
A well respected medical man had sex with one of his female patients and
felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it,
he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient was
overwhelming.
 
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his
head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical
practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the
last. And you're single. Just let it go."
 
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to
reality, whispering: "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
Logged

kikashi

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6363
Logged

laughingbear

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 230
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #465 on: March 22, 2017, 06:09:59 AM »

According to the Magazin der Spiegel, in Japan (Aichi), elderly people who give up their driving license by their own decision, will get a discount of 50,000 yen, about 15 %...

...on their funeral costs.

The police department worked that deal out together witha funeral home.


Logged

drmike

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 747
    • On Flickr:
Logged

kikashi

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6363
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #467 on: March 22, 2017, 01:33:36 PM »

I bow to your superior memory :)

I enjoyed it. I have, as my wife would be keen to tell you, an excellent memory for jokes and a vast array of the damn things which keep springing to mind. If only I could remember useful things.

At the bank today, an old man asked me to help him check his balance. So I pushed him. He fell over.

Jeremy
Logged

Eric Myrvaagnes

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 13592
    • http://myrvaagnes.com
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #468 on: March 22, 2017, 03:02:57 PM »

At the bank today, an old man asked me to help him check his balance. So I pushed him. He fell over.

Jeremy
So that was you at the bank today when I was asking for help!

Eric
Logged
-Eric Myrvaagnes    (A sampler of my new book is on my website.)
http://myrvaagnes.com  Visit my photo website (Server is back up). New images each season. Also visit my new website: http://ericneedsakidney.org

Slobodan Blagojevic

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10188
  • When everybody thinks the same... nobody thinks.
    • My website
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #469 on: March 22, 2017, 03:12:01 PM »

... At the bank today, an old man asked me to help him check his balance. So I pushed him. He fell over.

Jeremy

The old guy was extremely lucky then, having both a lawyer and a doctor standing right next to him ;)

Redcrown

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 319
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #470 on: March 24, 2017, 01:06:29 AM »

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, “Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?”

The judge says, “That is correct.” Then he asks, “And does it mean that I can’t call a pig Ms. Harding?” “No,” says the judge, “you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.”

The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, “Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.”

Logged

JNB_Rare

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 350
    • JNB54
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #471 on: March 25, 2017, 09:23:34 AM »

A man walks into a Scottish library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hae enny books on suicide?' She stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Bugger off, ye'll no bring it back.

(Probably an old joke for the UK readers. It takes a while to reach the colonies. When I was ten, we had elderly neighbours who had emigrated to Canada from Glasgow. The man also had a slight speech impediment, according to my mother. Occasionally, he and I would find ourselves face to face, and he would try to talk to me. I don't think I ever understood a word he said. I just nodded my head, and he likely thought I was simple).

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16849
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #472 on: March 25, 2017, 04:51:37 PM »

A man walks into a Scottish library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hae enny books on suicide?' She stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Bugger off, ye'll no bring it back.

(Probably an old joke for the UK readers. It takes a while to reach the colonies. When I was ten, we had elderly neighbours who had emigrated to Canada from Glasgow. The man also had a slight speech impediment, according to my mother. Occasionally, he and I would find ourselves face to face, and he would try to talk to me. I don't think I ever understood a word he said. I just nodded my head, and he likely thought I was simple).


Don't sweat about it: my wife and I were walking down a street here in Mallorca one day, not far behind a couple having a loud conversation. She turned to me and asked: do you know what language they are using? I had no idea. As we caught up and passed, we realised that it was English.

Two of our early, elderly neigbours, a very pleasant couple, came from Yorkshire. They were both perfectly understandable. One day, they invited us along to meet their son and his wife, who had a farm. Neither my wife nor I had the slightest idea what either he or she said. It was really embarrasing. I suppose that possibly explains, to some degree, the why of Brexit.

;-(

Rob

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16849
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #473 on: March 27, 2017, 06:20:39 AM »

 A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

--George  Bernard Shaw

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16849
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #474 on: March 29, 2017, 10:00:51 AM »

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed;
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.

--Mark Twain

PeterAit

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2667
    • Peter Aitken Photographs
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #475 on: March 31, 2017, 09:47:08 AM »

At the convent, the young novice went to the Mother Superior to complain about the salty language used by the workers at the construction site next door.

"Well, my dear, these are hard-working men and they will call a spade a spade."

"I wouldn't mind that," replied the novice, "but what they call it is a goddamn motherf*cking shovel."
Logged
Peter
"Photographic technique should always be a means to an end and never the end itself."

LesPalenik

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1022
    • advantica blog
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #476 on: April 01, 2017, 06:33:34 AM »

Someone told me that culling their photos after a shoot is a tedious chore. But culling is a great activity. I mean, it's really fantastic. People who think culling is bad are total scumbags. Total scumbags. It's great, it's really, really great. It's the best thing you can do. I've got all the best pictures, really the best. Some of them are tiny but they're great, really really great. And more people in the world have seen my great pictures than any other pictures in the world. I'm telling you. All the other photographers are worse than me. They're bad, so bad. Ansel Adams? A total disaster. Henri Cartier-Bresson, he's a fake. So fake, he has to have a hyphen in his name. Youssef Karsh? He copies my style. He knows my style because he tapped my phones. Someone told me he died in 2002. Fake news. So fake. He was an immigrant. Shouldn't have let him in the country, our country, the best country in the world.

So we sent him to Canada. Where we're going to build a great wall. It's going to be the best wall in the world, the best ever. And we're going to make them pay for it. Our photographers are the best photographers in the world. The best. You can hire them, you can pay them with opportunities for exposure, the best way to pay. And you can grab them by the lens. We're going to do that by banning all digital sensors, so we can go back to film and make Kodak great again. They're going to be so great and they're going to hire hundreds of thousands of people. Millions. It's time to make photography great again.

Feel free to share. If you share, more people in the world will read your posts. More than any other posts in the world. I'm telling you. It'll be fantastic. Think of all the exposure you'll get. Nobody shares posts better than you do. Nobody. It will be so big, it will kill the internet. Kill it. And we're going to make Mark Zuckerberg pay for it.

Penned by Glenn Springer, a good friend and a seasoned Ontario photographer who changed his mind about going back to film again.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2017, 12:20:54 AM by LesPalenik »
Logged

Eric Myrvaagnes

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 13592
    • http://myrvaagnes.com
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #477 on: April 01, 2017, 08:30:35 PM »

Someone told me that culling their photos after a shoot is a tedious chore. But culling is a great activity. I mean, it's really fantastic. People who think culling is bad are total scumbags. Total scumbags. It's great, it's really, really great. It's the best thing you can do. I've got all the best pictures, really the best. Some of them are tiny but they're great, really really great. And more people in the world have seen my great pictures than any other pictures in the world. I'm telling you. All the other photographers are worse than me. They're bad, so bad. Ansel Adams? A total disaster. Henri Cartier-Bresson, he's a fake. So fake, he has to have a hyphen in his name. Youssef Karsh? He copies my style. He knows my style because he tapped my phones. Someone told me he died in 2002. Fake news. So fake. He was an immigrant. Shouldn't have let him in the country, our country, the best country in the world.

So we sent him to Canada. Where we're going to build a great wall. It's going to be the best wall in the world, the best ever. And we're going to make them pay for it. Our photographers are the best photographers in the world. The best. You can hire them, you can pay them with opportunities for exposure, the best way to pay. And you can grab them by the lens. We're going to do that by banning all digital sensors, so we can go back to film and make Kodak great again. They're going to be so great and they're going to hire hundreds of thousands of people. Millions. It's time to make photography great again.

Feel free to share. If you share, more people in the world will read your posts. More than any other posts in the world. I'm telling you. It'll be fantastic. Think of all the exposure you'll get. Nobody shares posts better than you do. Nobody. It will be so big, it will kill the internet. Kill it. And we're going to make Mark Zuckerberg pay for it.
Fantastic, Les!
Logged
-Eric Myrvaagnes    (A sampler of my new book is on my website.)
http://myrvaagnes.com  Visit my photo website (Server is back up). New images each season. Also visit my new website: http://ericneedsakidney.org

Rob C

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16849
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #478 on: April 03, 2017, 05:04:05 AM »

Someone told me that culling their photos after a shoot is a tedious chore. But culling is a great activity. I mean, it's really fantastic. People who think culling is bad are total scumbags. Total scumbags. It's great, it's really, really great. It's the best thing you can do. I've got all the best pictures, really the best. Some of them are tiny but they're great, really really great. And more people in the world have seen my great pictures than any other pictures in the world. I'm telling you. All the other photographers are worse than me. They're bad, so bad. Ansel Adams? A total disaster. Henri Cartier-Bresson, he's a fake. So fake, he has to have a hyphen in his name. Youssef Karsh? He copies my style. He knows my style because he tapped my phones. Someone told me he died in 2002. Fake news. So fake. He was an immigrant. Shouldn't have let him in the country, our country, the best country in the world.

So we sent him to Canada. Where we're going to build a great wall. It's going to be the best wall in the world, the best ever. And we're going to make them pay for it. Our photographers are the best photographers in the world. The best. You can hire them, you can pay them with opportunities for exposure, the best way to pay. And you can grab them by the lens. We're going to do that by banning all digital sensors, so we can go back to film and make Kodak great again. They're going to be so great and they're going to hire hundreds of thousands of people. Millions. It's time to make photography great again.

Feel free to share. If you share, more people in the world will read your posts. More than any other posts in the world. I'm telling you. It'll be fantastic. Think of all the exposure you'll get. Nobody shares posts better than you do. Nobody. It will be so big, it will kill the internet. Kill it. And we're going to make Mark Zuckerberg pay for it.

Penned by Glenn Springer, a good friend and a seasoned Ontario photographer who changed his mind about going back to film again.


After that, there's hardly any point to keeping this thread running: you can't top it.

Rob

PeterAit

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2667
    • Peter Aitken Photographs
Re: A touch of humor
« Reply #479 on: April 03, 2017, 10:01:59 AM »


After that, there's hardly any point to keeping this thread running: you can't top it.

Rob

We can try!
Logged
Peter
"Photographic technique should always be a means to an end and never the end itself."
Pages: 1 ... 22 23 [24] 25 26 27   Go Up